Life can get Emo

Dear Diary, 14 April 2012

Life can get emo...

When stuck in a rut, it's difficult to initiate the recovery process. We think "it would just be so much work" or "I could never do that...I'm not as good as that person." But that's so not true! Really, we are all equal sinners. Just because one person can write out her issues and the way she deals with them doesn't make her superior in any way. Rather, it is this inability to make ourselves whole that allows us to actually heal!

Don't think that your issues are small, and don't entertain the thought that you cannot recover from whatever you're dealing with. Instead, I challenge you to go against Matthew West's song and do go through the motions. Even if you don't feel like it's going to make a difference, still talk to God. Tell Him what you're going through, explain why you're struggling. He understands, and He listens, even when it feels like He doesn't.

Trust me, I have this problem, too. I pray and pray, but the results still seem unchanged. That's looking at it the wrong way though. We never can pinpoint how God is going to react; to do so would take away His sovereignty. But He does listen, and He ALWAYS answers. Yes, no, or maybe: Growing up, that's how I was told God would answer . But it's so much more than that!

An example: I have been wondering what I should major in when I'm out of high school. The question laid heavily on my mind. Initially, I gravitated towards teaching, but then I thought about the pay and the other options available, like a business degree. I prayed about it, and the way God responded was truly amazing. It's not like the heavens opened up and I was given this great revelation, nor did I suddenly have this supernatural understanding and I knew what I was supposed to do. No, it was more realistic than that. I started hearing stories that pricked my heart. I was realized the need out there, and the love that children in public schools need. I went to my cousins' school and saw one of their friends cling to their daddy because her own had died. I heard about neglected children in public schools, ones whose parents are utterly incapable, neglecting their children to the point of malnutrition.

The most obvious encounter was a speaker at my friend's church. Maybe I've already written about this in a past post, but this guy was a lot like me. He had planned on going into missions, but when his successful uncle in California offered him a position at Verizon, he began to doubt his choice. Finally, he decided: he would finish his obligations and then move out to California to live in his uncle's mansion. But it was that last obligation, that mission trip he couldn't get out of, that changed his perspective. God revealed to him where his heart was needed, the plan He had for Him.

It may seem like He's not there, like He's just pulling the strings and not actively involved in our lives. But really, He speaks in a "still small voice". Sometimes we look for a big sign, but God doesn't work like that. He is supremely capable to eradicate all that's hurting us, all it takes is "God, I'm drifting away; bring me back," which is what I was brought to confess on Good Friday. He is always there. We take Him for granted at times and forget the significance He has in our  lives, but He never loosens His grip on us.

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