Stained

Have you ever put on a new outfit and looked in the mirror only to find your perfect ensemble tarnished by a small stain? It doesn't matter whether the stain is the size of a fingernail, the entire thing is ruined. No more perfection. Your eyes can't help but dart to the spot at first sight. Even if it's covered, you still know it's there, and you know that your adorable attempt at fashion has been forever marred.

When God created man, He looked at the world in His hands and said, "This is good. This is as it should be." But then sin came in and dropped dots of ink on us, staining our hearts. These stains ran deep, spreading out to cover our whole lives. They bred pride, lust, gluttony, wrath, envy, sloth, and greed, which grew like the branches of a tree to dip their tempting little fingers into our humanity.

True, we try to hide the marks. We put layer upon layer over them, but no matter how thick the sweater or how long the hem, they bleed straight through, ruining everything they touch. Our sin runs, rampant and uncontrollable. It never stops consuming all in its wake. These stains marked us as no longer perfect, as abominations in the sight of the maker. No one would accept a people as stained as us.

However, Psalm 51 reads, "Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place." The Lord sees through all our makeup. He notices the blemishes and knows we are flawed. But in His grace and love, He "provided a way of out" (1 Cor 10:13).

Besides the blessing of a Savior, God gave man a unique and incredible gift. The Bible.

So often neglected and taken for granted. We all know it is there (even those who don't believe) and that it holds profound truths. Unfortunately, we don't always appreciate the extent of its influence. Imagine how it would feel to be taught "wisdom int he inmost place"! Deep down in your soul, understanding and believing absolute truth. The recipe for removing stains is simple and in actuality requires less of us than we like to think: "believe in the Lord Jesus Christ" (Acts 16:31). And what is more, it is the desire of the Lord of us to know this. That is certainly the wish of a loving Father.

In our world, we see sin. We see heartache and feel it worst of all. It's not hard to recognize evil around us, the stains on other people. When looking at our own messes, the image becomes less clear. We know ourselves less than we know anyone else. Within ourselves we argue, we second-guess. We think we have discovered the secrets of the world as we lay in bed only to forget them the next morning. It's almost humorous how ignorant of our own flaws we really are.

Though Christ has cleansed us, it does not end these. Psalm 51:10 says, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Renew. This is a daily battle, this fighting off the stains. When the Father looks at us, He no longer sees an article ruined, a mere shadow of the masterpiece it was intended to be. He sees His Son, but we still live in these mortal bodies that still bare the scars of sin. Constantly, the Lord must "renew a steadfast spirit" within each of us. The Word is such an asset in this! If only we would all know in our "inner parts" the reliability of this.

It's incredible, the love of the Lord, and it never sees to amaze me. Even when I fall away and forget that He is the one who brings all things, who completes me, He picks me back up again. Sometimes gently, sometimes with a kick. Knowing that He has made me fearfully and wonderfully is the best gift of all. As we enter a new year, I hope we will all realize this and will appreciate the magnitude of His blessings.

An Irritating Reality

Standing in front of the microwave, wishing that corn dog would cook faster.

Willing your phone to buzz while waiting for a text.

Cursing the guy in front of you who wouldn’t brave the yellow light.

What do all of these scenarios have in common besides being things that I do on a regular basis? They all involve waiting. One of the most boring things in the world is waiting. We don’t want to delay our gratification. We want things when we want them, and if there’s going to be a line, we go to McDonalds. Life on the fast track…that’s how I would describe my days sometimes. It’s like I’m always running towards…something. Ultimate satisfaction? The pinnacle of contentedness?

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Ironic how the thing that benefits us most is something we uniformly despise. When we were younger, my brother and I hated it when my mom would use her stock saying: “Waiting builds character.” Nobody wants to hear that, but unfortunately it’s true.

In his book, “Mere Christianity”, CS Lewis talks about the importance of temperance. “Going the right length and no further,” is how he succinctly defines the term that we often associate exclusively with alcohol consumption. In reality, this word can be applied to anything else in our lives that begins to consume us. In the Bible, it talks of idols. While our society today doesn’t often erect statues for the masses to worship as in the days of King Nebuchadnezzar, there are many things to which this concept of “temperance” should be applied. For some it may be food, others relationships, still others video games or movies, but it all depends on the person and the amount in which these things are consumed.

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Despite the motto of the world to do whatever feels right, emotions can be deceiving. They can lead us down paths that satisfy our sinful desires rather than determine the right path for us to travel. Like right now at this moment, my desire is to consume mass quantities of Cookie Butter (if you haven’t had it, you have not lived). However, the logical, more health-conscious side of me knows that doing that wouldn’t be good for me.

Sometimes it’s really hard to not go right after what you want. If something feels right, the natural impulse is to jump in with both feet. The Lord makes it clear though that timing is key. Proverbs 12:18 says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” In the chapter before it, verse 12 says, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” There are right and wrong times for everything, as Ecclesiastes 3 clearly states, and part of wisdom is being able to discern between them.

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If the timing isn’t right for something, maybe it’s because I’m not ready yet. The Lord’s ways are perfect, and He knows what I will say and what I will do before I know myself. He knows my innermost thoughts and holds the desires of my hearts in His hand. His promise to me (and to you!), sealed by the sacrifice of His Son, is that my life will be fulfilled for my own good. Even if I can’t see exactly how things will play out, knowing that He is in control reassures me that everything will be alright. Just another opportunity to put trust in Him. ♥

The Waiting Game

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut? Like if only things were a certain way, everything would be better? There is something so depressing about being just out of reach of something. 

In our minds, we can imagine how things would be in our idealistic reality – even if we don’t expect perfection for our lives, even if we account for some uncomfortable or even difficult things, it’s still enough to drive us crazy when we can’t have what we want.

Today I was sulking about something and whining to myself that I am such a martyr for enduring this torture of not getting what I want. After all, I am a pretty good person.

That’s when I started laughing at myself.

A particular story from the Bible jumped into my head – one with Abraham and his son, Isaac. Abraham had direct instructions from the Lord that were clear-cut and without much of an explanation. “Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.” Can you imagine anything more horrifying than sacrificing your beloved child?? I can’t begin to comprehend the pain and conflict that Abraham must have gone through. He loved Isaac more than his own life. Isaac was the promised son that he had waited decades to hold in his arms, and now God required his life as an offering.

Do you think Abraham wanted to kill his son? Of course he didn’t! But he trusted that God knew what He was doing when He asked such a momentous task. Although Abraham probably felt a sick twist in his gut as he climbed that mountain, he kept on going, not even letting on to Isaac as to the true purpose of their journey.

Aaaaand then there’s me. My problems seem so trivial in comparison, yet I do not have the faith to trust that the Lord has planned my life out for my own good! Perhaps things are not going the way I would like for them to, but I don’t have the big picture in front of me. 

Rather than accept this period as a time for waiting, my impulsive, do-it-yourself nature wants to jump in there and “get ‘er done”. In fact, that’s exactly how Abraham acted before Isaac was born! Although the Lord had said he would have a son, he went and married a handmaiden in addition to the childless wife he already had. The result was two half brothers who would be at odds for generations to come.

I think he learned a valuable lesson from that experience that I can take from as well.

Right now, I may not see what’s around the corner for me. That may get under my skin. It may make me want to scream to the heavens, but that is the way it should be. Us trusting that He will take care of us always. God doesn’t let us have the things we want simply because we act a certain way or because we do things in such a way that we consider ourselves “good people”. In actuality, there is no such person.

There is a time for everything. A time to trust, a time to hope, and a time to wait.

Three Strands, Part 1

What is a friend? Oftentimes we speak of people we know as “friends”, but what truly makes a friend? Mere acquaintance would make the term seem shallow and insignificant. Companionship certainly must be included in the definition, but should it be the determining factor? The amount of time spent with a person? The measure of devotion, or personal interaction, with that person?

I think a friend is more than that.

Real friendship goes deep, beyond occasional “hellos” and banter about the newest movie out. The kind of friends who make active differences in our lives are the ones who never leave, who always listen, who say hard things, who show respect, and who bring life to your life.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” One of the most beautiful expressions of friendship is found here, in Proverbs 17:17. This answers the first question: what is a friend? Friendship is more than a word or a title for you to distribute or to attain; instead, it is measured by the investment placed in another person.

Let’s face it we have our bad days. There are times when I know I’m being a stick-in-the-mud and I know I’ve been short or impatient with the people around me. But regardless of my less than Christlike behavior, it is in those moments that I know I am loved the most. Why? Because a friend loves at all times! I know my friends are the greatest when I’m not at my best and they look past it! Much like the Lord overlooks all of our messiness and all of our sin, and rather than returning the evil we give Him with more wrath, He extends us amazing love that surpasses understanding. Incredible to know that our friendships, the love we receive from those most devoted, mirrors the love of the Creator.

There’s a difference between a “companion” and a “friend”. Someone may have several, dozens, scores, of companions. These are other human beings with whom he is forced (or obligated) to fraternize. Usually, it is within these circles that the most small talk occurs. Barely breaking the surface of unfamiliarity, these relationships are twigs. Put much weight on them, and they will surely snap. Proverbs addresses this scenario as well in chapter eighteen: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Substantial, reliable friendship is vital. One cannot rely on a simple twig. There is a piece of poetry describing one without a friend, and the telling is heartbreaking:

“There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother.

There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’

This too is meaningless – a miserable business!”

No matter what this man did, it all seemed for naught because he had no one to share it with. Looking around my own life, I can understand how that man felt. Every day, I rely on my friends for support, love, and (quite often!) forgiveness. Perhaps the last is the most powerful of all.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, and the author of the poetry above, goes on in the passage to explain how invaluable friendship is to a person’s happiness and success:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Twigs snap if standing alone, but several put together are stronger than stone. Today, my pastor told
me that the concept of “Jesus and Me” is unbiblical, and it went right along with what I had been thinking about friendships. Yes, being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with the Savior, but it is also about admitting that you can’t do it on your own. You need other people to help you, to encourage you, to make you stronger.

You need friends.

Faith, Trust, and Holding Things Up

What are the things we believe in? Not the spiritual entities or the religious rules exactly, but the simple, everyday objects and concepts upon which we thoroughly rely. Perhaps sometimes we don’t do it consciously, but we put our lives into these inanimate objects without so much as a questioning glance. Things like cars, roofs, mankind’s ability to stop at red lights, the purity of our drinking water, or simply the chairs we sit in. We have complete and utter faith in the things we can see, touch, feel with our hands. Why then is it so difficult to put this very basic trust into the hands of the One who gave us our very breath?

I think we are obsessed with the things we see. So much so, that whenever something is not in front of our eyes, we have a hard time believing that it is actually there. If you have ever heard the phrase, “I’d have to see it to believe it,” or, “Seeing is believing,” it is evident that the majority of society thinks along these lines. After all, you are the best judge…right?

See, when we get to a place where we have set ourselves up on so high a pedestal that we consider ourselves the ultimate authority (which is laughable compared to reality), we have to move God from that position first. Like the subconscious act of placing faith in a folding chair, we nudge God over and try to hold up the roofs in our lives on our own. The problem is, when God sees our pathetic struggle for control and decides to let us have a taste of our own medicine, things immediately begin to shake. When God stops being the support beams, the whole structure comes crashing down, and we are left in the midst of the broken rubble that was the life we had tried to create ourselves.

That and the realization that our strength alone is not strong enough.

We’ve all been there. Like a disobedient child who has just brought the whole tray down on top of her head, we sit in a heap on the floor, crying because of our brokenness and because the consequences hurt.

But this is the best part.

This is when Daddy comes into the room. At first we feel a little scared because…well, it’s Daddy! He’s the boss, the judge, the maker-or-breaker of our days. He has the authority to inflict punishment and the ability to extend forgiveness.

He looks around at what we have done, seeing the mess, seeing our tears, but choosing not to pay them any heed because He only truly sees one thing. Our hearts and everything Jesus came to save, everything He created to be perfect and beautiful. Everything He loves about us.

That’s when Daddy picks us up, dusts us off, and after giving us a big hug, reminds us to listen to His words. “Now then, my children,” He says, “listen to Me; blessed are those who keep My ways. Listen to My instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. I know that you aren’t perfect, though you always try to be, and that you will fail every time you attempt to go off alone. But I do not look at these things, the things that man looks at. Instead, I look at your heart, which is Mine and which I dearly love. I paid the highest price imaginable for it, so I want you to take care of it. Trust me. I know what My plans are for you, and they are all for your own good.”

Drop whatever you’re doing right now. Just do it.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and give it all to Jesus. Forget all the clichés, ignore what others would say or think, just stop trying to hold everything together because you can’t do it. You were not meant to carry things all on your own. Talk to Him, and give Him the reins. Then you will truly discover (or rediscover) the joy that is life. J

"Freedom Writers"

Today I saw the movie "Freedom Writers" because I'm sick and didn't have anything better to do...I did NOT expect to shed any tears over it.
But I did.

A brand new school teacher tackles the racially integrated high school in Long Beach, California, but what she finds is more than an academically challenged group of teenagers. She finds hearts broken and bitter by racial tensions and hardened by the lives they have had to lead already at the ages of 14 and 15.
Each student brings a different story: the fear of simply stepping outside one's door, the insecurity of physical abuse, the pride of extending forgiveness, the helplessness of gang obligations, the question of whether or not they will live to the age of 18... Things we forget about in quaint suburbia but that are realities real kids endure on a day to day basis.

I cried for the kids who live such broken lives, who don't see any ray of hope in their dark lives. I cried because people forget about them, trap them in boxes called "stereotype" and "prejudice", saying, "If they only knew better..."
How is someone supposed to know better if he is not taught?

As a student studying to become a teacher, this movie was extremely inspiring and motivating. School isn't just a motion, a system we rush kids through just to put a stamp on their transcripts. It's an opportunity to have children learn what life is about and to find their places in it. Let's take that seriously.

Fun House Called Life

You know those fun house rides? Where you'll be walking along and thinking, "Maybe, just maybe, I've outsmarted those designers...This wasn't so hard. I can make it through this without getting lost or disoriented!" And then, suddenly the floor falls out from under you. Your brain struggles to comprehend what has happened because it expects for you to be able to continue on as you have, eluding crafty trap doors and  the smoke and mirrors. But the reality is that you're falling, down, down, sliding into something completely different. Everything about the way things were before - thoughts, actions, the environment you've become accustomed to - all that is gone. Where will the slide take you?


Well, fortunately, the slide will most likely bring you to the end of your fun house experience. The staff associate will see to it that you have safely exited the attraction, and you return to your normal, every day life. The encounter with the trap door is but a vivid, if embarrassing, memory.

But what if you couldn't simply exit?

What is the life at the end of that slide wasn't a pathway back to reality? What is it became your reality?

The trap doors come out of no where and take us off guard. They throw our lives into a tumult of confusion with a mere flip of a latch, and we find ourselves stuck in a place we've never seen before. Whatever experiences we've endured in the past cannot act a template for this new situation because we've never been here before. Have you ever felt like something came into your life that you had no idea how to handle?

There are times in life where we feel like things are going pretty well. Even an average life isn't a bad one. Yes, it can get dull after awhile. You may even seek out the trap doors just for the thrill of them. In the grand scheme of things, however, being handed a way out, with nothing more than a ticket stub to show where you have been, is a blessing - a rarity. But more often than not, it's the trap door that finds us, and not the other way around.

It's a helpless feeling, falling. The mere sensation of it is enough to bring giants to their knees, atheists to churches, and prodigal sons back to their fathers. Control. Above all else, control is what we most value, if we're being honest. That's what lulls some people into a fake sense of security.

The ones who know about the surprise, who are expecting the ground to give way, are the ones who are most unprepared when it actually happens. They think they can handle it, so they aren't ready when the wave hits them harder than they had expected.

Who can see the future? Who can be ready for whatever comes next?

The answer is - nobody. Not one person.

Of course, this does not stop us from thinking we have it all together. At least we don't mess up like those people. Good thing I have self control, unlike that girl.

Thank God I'm better than that Pharisee.

Jesus knew who He was talking to (us) when he told the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.* One felt like dirt, and he was holier than the one who thought he was ready for anything.

Truth is, guys, the notion that we're somehow above falling under the same things others struggle with keeps us from strengthening those defensive muscles. Like a rich, fat king who thought his power could save him, in the end all his "richness" kept him from behind able to even run to safety. The atrophy is over-confidence in our own abilities can be our downfall.

It's OK to screw up. It's OKAY  to not have it all, to not be it all, to not be there for everyone, to not get everything done, because in short, we can't do it. None of us can. Want to guess what this is called? Humanity. And the great thing about it is that this is why we need a Savior! Because on our own, we'll get lost the moment we stop walking in the light. That floor will open up, and we'll never be heard from again. When we think we can walk on our own, like an independent toddler on a pair of inexperienced legs, we'll head straight for the ground.

When we think we can do it all, even if we claim the Lord is in what we're trying to justify, we only fool (and hurt) ourselves. If it were possible for man to do it all, then we would have a whole bunch of Jesuses walking around.

There was only one Superman, and He is interceding for us every moment so that we will learn to walk in the ways predestined for each of us.

It's time to 'fess up. Throw down those walls of Styrofoam, lift up your hands, and call for the attendant, because there's no way you're getting out of this Fun House called LIFE without a Guide.

* Luke 18:9-14
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else,Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

What to Do...

"How much do we have to show the people we love?"
-Allie Condie (Crossed)

The world turns out of our hands. Essentially, there is nothing we can do to stop that. Circumstances occur out of our realm of influence, and yet we are expected to carry on with this thing call life.

So what can we do?

Many things in my world have begun to change lately. Realities that have remained constant throughout my eighteen years thus far are shaking and crumbling before me. Most of these changes are merely page-turners to another chapter in my life, a chapter that I’ve always known would inevitably come.

Regardless, it is hard to deal with things that I cannot control, and as a result I have been overly moody and emotional. This fact has bled over into every aspect of my life.

One struggle I have been wrestling with (emotionally and physically) has been with friends. My tendency to want to fix everything (and everyone) is oftentimes met with resistance…after all, I can’t do it. It is out of my hands. There is only one person I can change, and that is myself, but more often than not I forget that and instead focus my energy on wanting to heal the entire world. I overlook the fact that my own heart is in dire need of healing and that I need a Savior to heal me 24/7.

Last night I was talking with a friend, and we arrived at a single, unmoving question that daunted us both: what do we do now? Shockingly enough, I was at a loss for words. No ingenious solution came to mind. No divine revelation passed through my brain. For anyone who knows me well, that is not a common occurrence. Instead, I felt completely broken and useless. “I don’t know,” I said.

Almost desperately, I picked up my Bible, but then I simply stared at it in my hands. Hundreds of pages of pure wisdom and insight…where did I start looking when I had no idea what answer I was looking for? A silent prayer kept running through my head: “What do I do, God? What do I do?”

Colossians was the next book for me to tackle on my schedule that I’ve been trying to stick with for the past three years. From chapter one, a few verses stuck out to me. “…we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” My heart kind of breathed a longing sigh when I read that. Yes, that’s what I want. Maybe I can’t fix the world or foretell the future, but I can pray! The next verses explained that, “we pray this in order that you may life a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way…” This is our true purpose, “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever” (a little catechism there), and when we are pleasing Him, we feel the exhilaration of carrying out the job that was charged us! This entails:

• “bearing fruit in every good work” –  being productive and seeing the results of your good work.

• “growing in the knowledge of God” – becoming wiser and more capable of handling situations set before us

• “being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience” – who doesn’t want that, right??

• “and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.”

When searching for an unknown answer with an even vaguer question, I couldn’t imagine a more appropriate or inspiring response. The Creator of all things chose you and me to be a part of this incredible thing! It’s a lot to wrap your head around. He “qualified” us, meaning we couldn’t have done it on our own. It’s by His love and mercy that we can take a confusing, messed up world full of uncertainties and doubts and make it a place of beauty.

With all the graduations going on lately and so many What-do-I-do-nows clouding our judgment, Colossians 1:9-12 gives the reassurance that through prayer, everything will be alright. We have a loving Father; we have the promise of more than we can imagine. What do we do now? There is nothing we can’t do now!

Missing

Have you ever had something for a long time, perhaps you even got tired of it after awhile or neglected it or shoved it aside, and then suddenly when it was gone you missed it more than you could have possibly known?

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It's especially hard knowing you can never go back, or knowing that even if you did go back you would do the same thing because it was bound to happen anyway. Sometimes, the most fun happens before the most hurt. Sometimes, though, you can't decide if it was worth it.

Something to Live For

What do we want out of life?
Is it happiness? Do we want to feel like the entire world has revolved around us? With this mentality, there is a sense of hopelessness. Because along with the sensation of being the center of it all is the knowledge that you are flawed and faulty. You make mistakes; you hurt people's feelings when your intentions were the exact opposite. If the focal point of life is you, then life is shallow.

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Is it to leave a mark? Would having our names in history textbooks make us feel fulfilled? Of course, famous people down through history, names taught to every 6th grade child, haven't found their own fame sufficient. Ernest Hemingway, the renowned writer, killed himself with a shotgun. Throughout his career, the fear of failure and embarrassment haunted him to the point of suicide. While we still uphold his brilliant mind, Hemingway did not find enough purpose in his own life to continue it. So he ended it. Nothing can assure you that you're going to go down in history forever. If what you want out of life is to leave a mark, footprints don't last forever on this earth. Eventually, they will be wiped clean.

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Is it to have people like you? Popularity can make us feel important, but is it enough to live for? People are fickle...one moment you'll be on top of the world, but that only takes one little thing to change. A look, a sentence, something not said, something done. Because we are all sinful people, mistakes are certain to be made. Having everyone like you is actually an indication that you're not being who you truly are, for nobody can please everybody. 

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Is it something to fight for?
Rallying behind something, waking each day with a purpose-injected drive, knowing that someone has your back because when fighting for the same cause you fight together, ... these are all concepts for which our hearts yearn. A symbol that will never fade, a charge that will never lose its passion, a reason whose logic will never fall.

 Is that what we want out of life? To live for something and not having something else live for us?

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A Post of Black and White

My goodness, it has been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything. 

Life has been so busy, and it’s easy to let the weight of everything cave in around you. School, work, illness, financial issues...all of these things sound scarily like the grown-up world...a world I’m finding myself drawn into more and more.

At first, it freaked me out to think I’m growing up. With getting older comes responsibility, after all, and I’ve liked being a goofy, little kid so far. Once the benefits of being a college student and a working woman made themselves known, I became instead discontent with my present state: all of a sudden, I wanted to grow up as fast as possible.

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I say this in past tense as if it isn’t true now. Honestly, discontentment is a present tense that seems to follow me wherever I go. When I’m not wrestling with responsibility, I’m vying for more. When I’m not frustrated with my “to-do” list, I’m adding additional items to make it even longer. Obviously, I’ve got a problem, and that problem is that I’m trying to do everything myself.

The good, Christian people at church always say “Trust God with everything”, but then they also act as though succeeding academically and socially are of almost equal importance. I’m not saying that getting good grades and having lots of friends is a bad thing. On the contrary, I think both of those things help you in life tremendously. However, they’re not the ends to which our means lead. Our lives aren’t going to climax in a fantastic career or an impressive network of friends. What matters is the fingerprints we leave. What part of us is the next generation going to remember? Is it that A you made in biology, or is it the time you helped that struggling single mom watch her kids while she worked? Or is it the time you became friends with that one guy everybody else had written off?

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Think about it. What do you remember about other people? To tell you the truth, I’m intimidated by people who are smart and successful. I think, they couldn’t possibly need me. I’m nobody. I make good grades, but that person is probably smarter than I am. I have great friends, but that person probably has more. That’s not necessarily the right way to think (I’ve been struggling with that my whole life), but it is the way I think. One person’s kindness is enough to forever mark them in my memory. Not long ago, I ran into a guy I had known back when I was in middle school. He vaguely recognized me, although I remember him well. Why? Because once, in a random act of civility, he said a friendly “hello” to me at a conference. It was a small, infinitesimal act, but it left a fingerprint on my heart. Maybe that meant nothing to him, but to me it showed that he thought I was somebody worth talking to.

One thing that got me thinking about this was World War II. So many rumors and conspiracies and worries are circulating right now. Some even wonder if another catastrophe like the one in Germany eighty years ago could recur. Although it sounds absurd, it got me thinking. What if? I’m sure those Jewish girls back in 1939 didn’t worry about being slaughtered before they were able to graduate. I’m sure they freaked out about papers and deadlines. But what good did that do them? We remember those people like Anne Frank and the ones who helped them stay hidden. We remember Corrie Ten Boom who used to work in her father’s clock shop before the holocaust.  Utterly average people who left marks more significant than presidents, dictators, and kings.

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In twenty years, we’re not going to look back on our school years and think “Gee, I’m so glad I stressed out about all those papers.” Instead, it will be the ways in which we touched other people and allowed them to touch us (I mean emotionally, not physically...). If stress is clouding your life, closing in around you, weighing you down so that you can barely breathe, think about this. It’s not important. Doesn’t matter how much money you have at stake or how many points off your GPA, it’s not important. The Lord looks at the heart, and He judges you by your intent. What does your heart yearn for? Good grades? Well, then it’s pointing in the wrong direction. Someone once said that the Bible is a compass pointing your heart back to God every single day because every single day it goes astray.

Don’t forget what’s really important. 

Puzzle Piece of the Heart

it came to the end it seems you had heard.

cause we walked the city streets,

you never said a word

-Where are you Now by Mumford and Sons

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Peace is the magic word.

Peace makes the world go round, along with love.

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Think about it, what are the two ideals that every person pursues? Peace and love. Every ambition, every inspiration, every drive that you can conjure up in your mind will rabbit trail back to one of these. When I wake up each morning, it is for the hope of finding some element of peace in the day ahead. See, God was quite clever. He set in every man's heart a peace and a love sized hole, so that in their life-long searches to find these things, they would come face to face with Him.

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In a vain effort to fill these voids in our lives, we eagerly hold close things we can touch and feel: money, possessions, work, power. People. But in reality, God is the only one who can bring that soul-satisfying peace.

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"I know, but I want to feel the closeness of having another person care about me." I've heard this statement from a number of people. They acknowledge that God is the only source of life, love, and peace, and yet they insist that a good relationship will meet their needs. But how can you truly give love to someone else when you are still missing it in your own heart?

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Perhaps I am not an expert on romance, but I'm fairly certain that even the most heart-stopping, pulse-quickening, mind-blowing romance cannot fill the missing piece of the heart as perfect peace does. You cannot depend on other people for your satisfaction and contentment. Not even family or best friends or your soul mate, for these people will let you down. Maybe they won't mean to, but they are only human. That is why the ones who hurt you the most are the ones closest to you. Because we forget to not invest everything in one another. We forget that every other person walking on this earth is just as sinful and lost as we are. We forget that all it takes to have true peace is to stop trying to save the world ourselves and to start putting the compass into the hands of the One who knows where everything is going.

Then leave it there.

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