What Kind of World do I Want for My Baby?

What kind of world do I want for my baby?

This is a post that I wrote back in June during a family vacation to Yosemite. Just a thoughtful wish for my little one as she faces an ever-changing world.

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I catch her eye from the backseat of the car on a road trip, and her face lights up. Her dimples appear as she grins at her mama. Feet kicking when she gets excited, her signature "kah" sound as she tries to communicate. My heart is so captivated by this little one. It makes me think - what do I want for my girl? 

There's always something going on in the world. There are countless political controversies, social injustices, religious beliefs that clash... as it has been since the beginning of time. Do I want World Peace? In a way, but I don't think world peace is the answer. 

I don't want a world that is easy for Genny. I don't want everything to be calm and for no one to ever get offended. This describes a world that is passive, where no one believes in anything, where there is no passion. 

I believe that God created the world and that it is now tainted by sin. I believe that He created us to be guardians of this world, to protect it, to fight for it. And I believe that it is a challenge to be a Christian in this world. 

I want Genny to grow up fighting for what she believes, for who she was created to be. At 7 months old, there is already so much fire in her. She knows what she wants, she takes joy in little things, and she is curious about her world. This is my Genesis. 

 

My prayer for her is that the Lord will use her more and more, as He has since she was still growing inside of me, to be a Light in this world of haziness. I pray that she will be passionate for Christ because she knows His word is truth. I pray that she will believe in Grace alone for all of her days and that her fervor will lead others to enjoy the same.

Not world peace, not coexistence, not a life of luxury do I wish for my Genesis. Instead a life of purpose, of grace and humility, of adventure and learning. A life of living to be who she was created to be.

Perfect Love

My goodness, how life can change in the blink of an eye.

It seems that it was just a couple months ago that I was weeping over my heart being broken by a silly boy who I had crushed on for about three years. I can still remember the day I met my friend, Jessy, but I can't exactly remember the first time I met her brother. Back then I never saw what was coming, but everything has been such a beautiful picture of how God's plan for our lives is so far superior to our own.

On May 2nd, my boyfriend of then ten months, asked me a very important question. 

The past year has been a whirlwind in which I have had to hold on tightly to God's word and His promises at all times. Like those old merry-go-rounds at the park where someone would spin you and you'd have to hang on for dear life, if I let go for just one moment and decide to lean on my own wisdom (apart from God's), the result would be a painful landing and a stabbing regret.

As much as this falling sucks, it is the most vivid example of how deeply we need a Savior. Before we even started dating, Ryan and I were strong Christians, but this relationship thing has shown us that we knew nothing! How humbling is that?? 

We make each other the most angry and the most happy; we are the cause of the most joy and the most pain for one another; we have to come togther but keep God as the center or else we have nothing to hold us together. Love is a kind of paradox that makes no sense unless you look at it through the eyes of Jesus.

There are times when being engaged is the scariest thing in the world. There is this other person for whom you will soon be responsible, to love, to care, to feed, to give shelter...

1 John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives our fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." This verse causes a lump to rise in my throat because it strikes so close to home.

It is very true that there is no fear in love, but it is also true that perfect love cannot derrive from anything I can create. Perfect love can only come from one place, as anything perfect ever can. The only way to find this perfect love is to go to your knees.

Ryan likes for us to pray together on our knees, and as strange as it was to me at first, I now see that it is engaging your entire body in a posture that asks for grace and mercy. A begging position. That is what we are, after all. Beggars.

"You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust. You are making me new." Those words from the Gungor song are so true. The dust that is our lives is made new by the Lord when we ask Him for grace and forgiveness. 

It is only through this perfect love that Ryan and I can experience no fear in our relationship, and that is not by anything that he or I have done, but it has everything to do with how great a God we have!

Spring and New Beginnings and Looking Back

Spring is such a beautiful time.

After the long, dark days of winter, it is a breath of fresh air. A reminder that the world is always changing, and that there is beauty in every chapter.

Looking at last year at this time, I was a different person. Isn't it funny how mere time can change us? I wouldn't say that I'm any smarter than I was, but perhaps I am a bit wiser. Wisdom that comes from making mistakes and having everything fall apart in front of you. These changes aren't the the kind that happen without noticing, like growing taller or learning to like the taste of coffee. These are changes that occur with groans, that take work. The ones that you feel first breaking you down and then making you stronger in the long run.

Spring brings this looking-back every year. It is a time to both celebrate new beginnings and to appreciate life in all its walks. No one likes hard times. It would be much more comfortable to avoid them all together, but as one great quote goes, “Hardship often prepares an ordinary person for an extraordinary destiny.” Like pressure creates a diamond, hardships prepare us for a destiny of uncertain circumstances but of definite resolution.

The Lord did not promise that this life would be easy. However, He did promise that we will overcome the world and all its pain and hardships. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." (2 Timothy 1:7). No matter where in life, this always encourages me. This spirit within me, no matter how defeated it may seem or wounded it may feel, it is not of timidity!! It is a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline! Though I walk in the midst of trouble, the Lord preserves my life. He stretches out His hand against the anger of my foes and against all the forces that want to harm me. With His right hand, that is Jesus, He saves me. What in this life can even touch me? (Psalms 35:4;138:7;Matthew 26:64;Psalm 118:6) 

Yes, spring is fast approaching. Soon it will come, and then it will go, and summer will take its place to be replaced by fall, and then winter, and then spring yet again. But the Lord's love never fails nor does His promise to us. He Himself said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5). With a spirit such as this, every day is an opportunity to experience, to live, to love, and to rejoice because you and I are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Fun House Called Life

You know those fun house rides? Where you'll be walking along and thinking, "Maybe, just maybe, I've outsmarted those designers...This wasn't so hard. I can make it through this without getting lost or disoriented!" And then, suddenly the floor falls out from under you. Your brain struggles to comprehend what has happened because it expects for you to be able to continue on as you have, eluding crafty trap doors and  the smoke and mirrors. But the reality is that you're falling, down, down, sliding into something completely different. Everything about the way things were before - thoughts, actions, the environment you've become accustomed to - all that is gone. Where will the slide take you?


Well, fortunately, the slide will most likely bring you to the end of your fun house experience. The staff associate will see to it that you have safely exited the attraction, and you return to your normal, every day life. The encounter with the trap door is but a vivid, if embarrassing, memory.

But what if you couldn't simply exit?

What is the life at the end of that slide wasn't a pathway back to reality? What is it became your reality?

The trap doors come out of no where and take us off guard. They throw our lives into a tumult of confusion with a mere flip of a latch, and we find ourselves stuck in a place we've never seen before. Whatever experiences we've endured in the past cannot act a template for this new situation because we've never been here before. Have you ever felt like something came into your life that you had no idea how to handle?

There are times in life where we feel like things are going pretty well. Even an average life isn't a bad one. Yes, it can get dull after awhile. You may even seek out the trap doors just for the thrill of them. In the grand scheme of things, however, being handed a way out, with nothing more than a ticket stub to show where you have been, is a blessing - a rarity. But more often than not, it's the trap door that finds us, and not the other way around.

It's a helpless feeling, falling. The mere sensation of it is enough to bring giants to their knees, atheists to churches, and prodigal sons back to their fathers. Control. Above all else, control is what we most value, if we're being honest. That's what lulls some people into a fake sense of security.

The ones who know about the surprise, who are expecting the ground to give way, are the ones who are most unprepared when it actually happens. They think they can handle it, so they aren't ready when the wave hits them harder than they had expected.

Who can see the future? Who can be ready for whatever comes next?

The answer is - nobody. Not one person.

Of course, this does not stop us from thinking we have it all together. At least we don't mess up like those people. Good thing I have self control, unlike that girl.

Thank God I'm better than that Pharisee.

Jesus knew who He was talking to (us) when he told the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.* One felt like dirt, and he was holier than the one who thought he was ready for anything.

Truth is, guys, the notion that we're somehow above falling under the same things others struggle with keeps us from strengthening those defensive muscles. Like a rich, fat king who thought his power could save him, in the end all his "richness" kept him from behind able to even run to safety. The atrophy is over-confidence in our own abilities can be our downfall.

It's OK to screw up. It's OKAY  to not have it all, to not be it all, to not be there for everyone, to not get everything done, because in short, we can't do it. None of us can. Want to guess what this is called? Humanity. And the great thing about it is that this is why we need a Savior! Because on our own, we'll get lost the moment we stop walking in the light. That floor will open up, and we'll never be heard from again. When we think we can walk on our own, like an independent toddler on a pair of inexperienced legs, we'll head straight for the ground.

When we think we can do it all, even if we claim the Lord is in what we're trying to justify, we only fool (and hurt) ourselves. If it were possible for man to do it all, then we would have a whole bunch of Jesuses walking around.

There was only one Superman, and He is interceding for us every moment so that we will learn to walk in the ways predestined for each of us.

It's time to 'fess up. Throw down those walls of Styrofoam, lift up your hands, and call for the attendant, because there's no way you're getting out of this Fun House called LIFE without a Guide.

* Luke 18:9-14
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else,Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."