Risk

"If there were a choice - and he suspected there was - a choice between, on the one hand, the heights and the depths and, on the other hand, some sort of safe, cautious middle way, he, for one, here and now chose the heights and the depths."
-A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

Not long ago, my brother and I and some of our friends were walking on a bike trail. The trail runs along a creek, and some of the trees grow so that their branches hang over the water below. This particular time, the water level was not too high. We came upon a tree with a good sized branch arching over, and the temptation was too great. I climbed up on it and inched further and further out on the limb. My brother anxiously cautioned me all the way, and the further I went, the more worried he became that I would fall. Naturally, being older, I did not intend to listen to him, but his doubts shook my own confidence. Looking at the tree branch, if I went further I would have the victorious satisfaction of having climbed nearly over the entire creek. Of course, there was also the possibility that my brother's fears would be realized, and I would fall to an embarrassing and painful injury. There was risk, and I had to weigh the possible gain with the possible consequences.

Risk. My mother, famous for her proverbs, always told us, "If you doubt, don't." That seems simple enough. What she failed to explain to us, however, is that so much of life is uncertain. Doubt does not only occur when I encounter a crossroads. Sometimes it is not a one-or-the-other decision, but a vague sense of doubt which I cannot exactly define.

Living life trying to do the right thing sometimes ends up feeling like a track runner going around and around in a circle without any breaks. After awhile, the runner realizes that he has broken his own record countless times. What purpose is there to keep going? The track doesn't seem to lead anywhere per se. This is a life without risk.

And it is like writing a book. I don't know if you have ever tried to sit down and put together a masterpiece, but the more into a plot you go (or at least it is this way for me), the more complicated it becomes. There are infinite possibilities, but you feel there is only one way for you to make this perfect. One way in which it all goes together. This is a life with too much risk to choose from.

These two things, a sense of monotony and of finding the one right way to behave, drive me to fear risk. Risk is the variable you never calculate. Risk is the possibility that you could fail or you could win the lottery. Most of the time, I avoid risk. It seems an unnecessary gamble to trifle with. But surprisingly, I have found that avoiding risk does not reduce doubt. In fact, many instances show the opposite to be true, that doubt increases as risk decreases.

Black and white may exist in pictures or in old movies or on checkerboards, but rarely is it evident in making decisions. Or maybe it is, but we are too distracted by the colors of our world to realize it. I am always so concerned with making the right decision, that when a decision is made, I often have a lingering sense of doubt. Did I make the right decision? Should I have chosen black this time, or was white the better choice? I fail to realize that a lot of the time, good comes with bad. I will not always make the right decision, but that does not mean that I should be wary of every choice I do make. The world will keep on turning if I blow it, and walking on eggshells and avoiding risks will not guarantee a "safe" life. What it will guarantee is a lot of emotional taxation and monotonous living. Yes, a decision can have disastrous results because a risk, prudent or imprudent, was taken, but the ultimate outcome, however, is out of our control.

Genesis tells the well-known story of Joseph's brothers selling him to merchants (an obvious lapse in judgement on their part) and of his eventual and amazing rise to power in a strange land that he had entered as a piece of property. Years after Joseph reveals his true identity to his brothers, they are still haunted by the decision they had made against him. After their father's death, the brothers feared Joseph's wrath which they felt they justly deserved. I am always staggered Joseph's humble and blunt response to them: "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." How incredible for Joseph to be drawn to a place where he could offer up such a horrible decision and look upon it with thankfulness and gladness.

Joseph did not fear making a wrong decision because he was confident that the Lord would use it all for His purpose. In Dante's Inferno, he rightly says, "A man must stand in fear of just those things that truly have the power to do us harm, of nothing else, for nothing else is fearsome." Nothing else is fearsome but the things that have the power to do us harm. How true and yet how often we forget? I forget that there is only a force of darkness unable to be overcome that must be feared, and that darkness does not exist because it has already been defeated. Isaiah 43:1 says "But now, this is what the Lord says - he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel; 'Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.'"

If there is risk, if it is thought through carefully and not taken by whimsical or carnal desires, then I believe it is right to be taken. For nothing in life is certain but the love of God, and nothing need be feared when that law is at work for all eternity.

Faith, Trust, and Holding Things Up

What are the things we believe in? Not the spiritual entities or the religious rules exactly, but the simple, everyday objects and concepts upon which we thoroughly rely. Perhaps sometimes we don’t do it consciously, but we put our lives into these inanimate objects without so much as a questioning glance. Things like cars, roofs, mankind’s ability to stop at red lights, the purity of our drinking water, or simply the chairs we sit in. We have complete and utter faith in the things we can see, touch, feel with our hands. Why then is it so difficult to put this very basic trust into the hands of the One who gave us our very breath?

I think we are obsessed with the things we see. So much so, that whenever something is not in front of our eyes, we have a hard time believing that it is actually there. If you have ever heard the phrase, “I’d have to see it to believe it,” or, “Seeing is believing,” it is evident that the majority of society thinks along these lines. After all, you are the best judge…right?

See, when we get to a place where we have set ourselves up on so high a pedestal that we consider ourselves the ultimate authority (which is laughable compared to reality), we have to move God from that position first. Like the subconscious act of placing faith in a folding chair, we nudge God over and try to hold up the roofs in our lives on our own. The problem is, when God sees our pathetic struggle for control and decides to let us have a taste of our own medicine, things immediately begin to shake. When God stops being the support beams, the whole structure comes crashing down, and we are left in the midst of the broken rubble that was the life we had tried to create ourselves.

That and the realization that our strength alone is not strong enough.

We’ve all been there. Like a disobedient child who has just brought the whole tray down on top of her head, we sit in a heap on the floor, crying because of our brokenness and because the consequences hurt.

But this is the best part.

This is when Daddy comes into the room. At first we feel a little scared because…well, it’s Daddy! He’s the boss, the judge, the maker-or-breaker of our days. He has the authority to inflict punishment and the ability to extend forgiveness.

He looks around at what we have done, seeing the mess, seeing our tears, but choosing not to pay them any heed because He only truly sees one thing. Our hearts and everything Jesus came to save, everything He created to be perfect and beautiful. Everything He loves about us.

That’s when Daddy picks us up, dusts us off, and after giving us a big hug, reminds us to listen to His words. “Now then, my children,” He says, “listen to Me; blessed are those who keep My ways. Listen to My instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. I know that you aren’t perfect, though you always try to be, and that you will fail every time you attempt to go off alone. But I do not look at these things, the things that man looks at. Instead, I look at your heart, which is Mine and which I dearly love. I paid the highest price imaginable for it, so I want you to take care of it. Trust me. I know what My plans are for you, and they are all for your own good.”

Drop whatever you’re doing right now. Just do it.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and give it all to Jesus. Forget all the clichés, ignore what others would say or think, just stop trying to hold everything together because you can’t do it. You were not meant to carry things all on your own. Talk to Him, and give Him the reins. Then you will truly discover (or rediscover) the joy that is life. J

Fun House Called Life

You know those fun house rides? Where you'll be walking along and thinking, "Maybe, just maybe, I've outsmarted those designers...This wasn't so hard. I can make it through this without getting lost or disoriented!" And then, suddenly the floor falls out from under you. Your brain struggles to comprehend what has happened because it expects for you to be able to continue on as you have, eluding crafty trap doors and  the smoke and mirrors. But the reality is that you're falling, down, down, sliding into something completely different. Everything about the way things were before - thoughts, actions, the environment you've become accustomed to - all that is gone. Where will the slide take you?


Well, fortunately, the slide will most likely bring you to the end of your fun house experience. The staff associate will see to it that you have safely exited the attraction, and you return to your normal, every day life. The encounter with the trap door is but a vivid, if embarrassing, memory.

But what if you couldn't simply exit?

What is the life at the end of that slide wasn't a pathway back to reality? What is it became your reality?

The trap doors come out of no where and take us off guard. They throw our lives into a tumult of confusion with a mere flip of a latch, and we find ourselves stuck in a place we've never seen before. Whatever experiences we've endured in the past cannot act a template for this new situation because we've never been here before. Have you ever felt like something came into your life that you had no idea how to handle?

There are times in life where we feel like things are going pretty well. Even an average life isn't a bad one. Yes, it can get dull after awhile. You may even seek out the trap doors just for the thrill of them. In the grand scheme of things, however, being handed a way out, with nothing more than a ticket stub to show where you have been, is a blessing - a rarity. But more often than not, it's the trap door that finds us, and not the other way around.

It's a helpless feeling, falling. The mere sensation of it is enough to bring giants to their knees, atheists to churches, and prodigal sons back to their fathers. Control. Above all else, control is what we most value, if we're being honest. That's what lulls some people into a fake sense of security.

The ones who know about the surprise, who are expecting the ground to give way, are the ones who are most unprepared when it actually happens. They think they can handle it, so they aren't ready when the wave hits them harder than they had expected.

Who can see the future? Who can be ready for whatever comes next?

The answer is - nobody. Not one person.

Of course, this does not stop us from thinking we have it all together. At least we don't mess up like those people. Good thing I have self control, unlike that girl.

Thank God I'm better than that Pharisee.

Jesus knew who He was talking to (us) when he told the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.* One felt like dirt, and he was holier than the one who thought he was ready for anything.

Truth is, guys, the notion that we're somehow above falling under the same things others struggle with keeps us from strengthening those defensive muscles. Like a rich, fat king who thought his power could save him, in the end all his "richness" kept him from behind able to even run to safety. The atrophy is over-confidence in our own abilities can be our downfall.

It's OK to screw up. It's OKAY  to not have it all, to not be it all, to not be there for everyone, to not get everything done, because in short, we can't do it. None of us can. Want to guess what this is called? Humanity. And the great thing about it is that this is why we need a Savior! Because on our own, we'll get lost the moment we stop walking in the light. That floor will open up, and we'll never be heard from again. When we think we can walk on our own, like an independent toddler on a pair of inexperienced legs, we'll head straight for the ground.

When we think we can do it all, even if we claim the Lord is in what we're trying to justify, we only fool (and hurt) ourselves. If it were possible for man to do it all, then we would have a whole bunch of Jesuses walking around.

There was only one Superman, and He is interceding for us every moment so that we will learn to walk in the ways predestined for each of us.

It's time to 'fess up. Throw down those walls of Styrofoam, lift up your hands, and call for the attendant, because there's no way you're getting out of this Fun House called LIFE without a Guide.

* Luke 18:9-14
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everybody else,Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men--robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' 13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' 14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."

Black and White

When I was little, I thought of the world as black and white. There were shaded sides, and there were spotless sides. Everything either good or bad.

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Now, I can't make the same claim any more. There are aspects of life that cannot be classified as always good or always evil, and that is because life is incredibly subjective. There is no real way to be objective. Not ever. Not in any circumstance. The United States has crafted a judicial system based on supposed "unbiased" jurors. In reality, however, those individuals, pulled from their daily lives by dreaded "jury summons", will actually reach their decisions based on their own experiences. What is right for one person is wrong for another. Nobody can step outside of his own head and make a decision.

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So what is to be the deciding factor in decision-making? Can we rely on our emotions to provide the right answer to any situation? Although we are often told by the world, by the media, are we really the ones in control of our own lives?

If a boy is killed in an accident by a distracted driver and the father's emotions drive him to take vengeance on the absentminded motorist, is that the right thing to do? Are our hearts really capable of serving justice?

The answer is no.

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No, we are not capable of making the right decision. No, we do not automatically default to what is ethical and pure. In fact, the very opposite is true. From the beginning of time, mankind has struggled with its tendency to fall into ruin when left alone. Every time we get it in our heads that we are the ones in control, that we are the ones who call the shots, who make or break a situation, that is when we fall. Power is a drug, but it is also a fantasy. The problem is we convince ourselves that we have it in overdose and that it is up to us to keep injecting it.

Truth is, the world really is in black and white. There really is a right and a wrong answer. And life, well, that’s just us trying to find out what exactly it is.

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