Three Strands, Part 1

What is a friend? Oftentimes we speak of people we know as “friends”, but what truly makes a friend? Mere acquaintance would make the term seem shallow and insignificant. Companionship certainly must be included in the definition, but should it be the determining factor? The amount of time spent with a person? The measure of devotion, or personal interaction, with that person?

I think a friend is more than that.

Real friendship goes deep, beyond occasional “hellos” and banter about the newest movie out. The kind of friends who make active differences in our lives are the ones who never leave, who always listen, who say hard things, who show respect, and who bring life to your life.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” One of the most beautiful expressions of friendship is found here, in Proverbs 17:17. This answers the first question: what is a friend? Friendship is more than a word or a title for you to distribute or to attain; instead, it is measured by the investment placed in another person.

Let’s face it we have our bad days. There are times when I know I’m being a stick-in-the-mud and I know I’ve been short or impatient with the people around me. But regardless of my less than Christlike behavior, it is in those moments that I know I am loved the most. Why? Because a friend loves at all times! I know my friends are the greatest when I’m not at my best and they look past it! Much like the Lord overlooks all of our messiness and all of our sin, and rather than returning the evil we give Him with more wrath, He extends us amazing love that surpasses understanding. Incredible to know that our friendships, the love we receive from those most devoted, mirrors the love of the Creator.

There’s a difference between a “companion” and a “friend”. Someone may have several, dozens, scores, of companions. These are other human beings with whom he is forced (or obligated) to fraternize. Usually, it is within these circles that the most small talk occurs. Barely breaking the surface of unfamiliarity, these relationships are twigs. Put much weight on them, and they will surely snap. Proverbs addresses this scenario as well in chapter eighteen: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Substantial, reliable friendship is vital. One cannot rely on a simple twig. There is a piece of poetry describing one without a friend, and the telling is heartbreaking:

“There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother.

There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’

This too is meaningless – a miserable business!”

No matter what this man did, it all seemed for naught because he had no one to share it with. Looking around my own life, I can understand how that man felt. Every day, I rely on my friends for support, love, and (quite often!) forgiveness. Perhaps the last is the most powerful of all.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, and the author of the poetry above, goes on in the passage to explain how invaluable friendship is to a person’s happiness and success:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Twigs snap if standing alone, but several put together are stronger than stone. Today, my pastor told
me that the concept of “Jesus and Me” is unbiblical, and it went right along with what I had been thinking about friendships. Yes, being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with the Savior, but it is also about admitting that you can’t do it on your own. You need other people to help you, to encourage you, to make you stronger.

You need friends.

Faith, Trust, and Holding Things Up

What are the things we believe in? Not the spiritual entities or the religious rules exactly, but the simple, everyday objects and concepts upon which we thoroughly rely. Perhaps sometimes we don’t do it consciously, but we put our lives into these inanimate objects without so much as a questioning glance. Things like cars, roofs, mankind’s ability to stop at red lights, the purity of our drinking water, or simply the chairs we sit in. We have complete and utter faith in the things we can see, touch, feel with our hands. Why then is it so difficult to put this very basic trust into the hands of the One who gave us our very breath?

I think we are obsessed with the things we see. So much so, that whenever something is not in front of our eyes, we have a hard time believing that it is actually there. If you have ever heard the phrase, “I’d have to see it to believe it,” or, “Seeing is believing,” it is evident that the majority of society thinks along these lines. After all, you are the best judge…right?

See, when we get to a place where we have set ourselves up on so high a pedestal that we consider ourselves the ultimate authority (which is laughable compared to reality), we have to move God from that position first. Like the subconscious act of placing faith in a folding chair, we nudge God over and try to hold up the roofs in our lives on our own. The problem is, when God sees our pathetic struggle for control and decides to let us have a taste of our own medicine, things immediately begin to shake. When God stops being the support beams, the whole structure comes crashing down, and we are left in the midst of the broken rubble that was the life we had tried to create ourselves.

That and the realization that our strength alone is not strong enough.

We’ve all been there. Like a disobedient child who has just brought the whole tray down on top of her head, we sit in a heap on the floor, crying because of our brokenness and because the consequences hurt.

But this is the best part.

This is when Daddy comes into the room. At first we feel a little scared because…well, it’s Daddy! He’s the boss, the judge, the maker-or-breaker of our days. He has the authority to inflict punishment and the ability to extend forgiveness.

He looks around at what we have done, seeing the mess, seeing our tears, but choosing not to pay them any heed because He only truly sees one thing. Our hearts and everything Jesus came to save, everything He created to be perfect and beautiful. Everything He loves about us.

That’s when Daddy picks us up, dusts us off, and after giving us a big hug, reminds us to listen to His words. “Now then, my children,” He says, “listen to Me; blessed are those who keep My ways. Listen to My instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. I know that you aren’t perfect, though you always try to be, and that you will fail every time you attempt to go off alone. But I do not look at these things, the things that man looks at. Instead, I look at your heart, which is Mine and which I dearly love. I paid the highest price imaginable for it, so I want you to take care of it. Trust me. I know what My plans are for you, and they are all for your own good.”

Drop whatever you’re doing right now. Just do it.

Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and give it all to Jesus. Forget all the clichés, ignore what others would say or think, just stop trying to hold everything together because you can’t do it. You were not meant to carry things all on your own. Talk to Him, and give Him the reins. Then you will truly discover (or rediscover) the joy that is life. J