Three Strands, Part 1

What is a friend? Oftentimes we speak of people we know as “friends”, but what truly makes a friend? Mere acquaintance would make the term seem shallow and insignificant. Companionship certainly must be included in the definition, but should it be the determining factor? The amount of time spent with a person? The measure of devotion, or personal interaction, with that person?

I think a friend is more than that.

Real friendship goes deep, beyond occasional “hellos” and banter about the newest movie out. The kind of friends who make active differences in our lives are the ones who never leave, who always listen, who say hard things, who show respect, and who bring life to your life.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” One of the most beautiful expressions of friendship is found here, in Proverbs 17:17. This answers the first question: what is a friend? Friendship is more than a word or a title for you to distribute or to attain; instead, it is measured by the investment placed in another person.

Let’s face it we have our bad days. There are times when I know I’m being a stick-in-the-mud and I know I’ve been short or impatient with the people around me. But regardless of my less than Christlike behavior, it is in those moments that I know I am loved the most. Why? Because a friend loves at all times! I know my friends are the greatest when I’m not at my best and they look past it! Much like the Lord overlooks all of our messiness and all of our sin, and rather than returning the evil we give Him with more wrath, He extends us amazing love that surpasses understanding. Incredible to know that our friendships, the love we receive from those most devoted, mirrors the love of the Creator.

There’s a difference between a “companion” and a “friend”. Someone may have several, dozens, scores, of companions. These are other human beings with whom he is forced (or obligated) to fraternize. Usually, it is within these circles that the most small talk occurs. Barely breaking the surface of unfamiliarity, these relationships are twigs. Put much weight on them, and they will surely snap. Proverbs addresses this scenario as well in chapter eighteen: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Substantial, reliable friendship is vital. One cannot rely on a simple twig. There is a piece of poetry describing one without a friend, and the telling is heartbreaking:

“There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother.

There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’

This too is meaningless – a miserable business!”

No matter what this man did, it all seemed for naught because he had no one to share it with. Looking around my own life, I can understand how that man felt. Every day, I rely on my friends for support, love, and (quite often!) forgiveness. Perhaps the last is the most powerful of all.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, and the author of the poetry above, goes on in the passage to explain how invaluable friendship is to a person’s happiness and success:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Twigs snap if standing alone, but several put together are stronger than stone. Today, my pastor told
me that the concept of “Jesus and Me” is unbiblical, and it went right along with what I had been thinking about friendships. Yes, being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with the Savior, but it is also about admitting that you can’t do it on your own. You need other people to help you, to encourage you, to make you stronger.

You need friends.

What to Do...

"How much do we have to show the people we love?"
-Allie Condie (Crossed)

The world turns out of our hands. Essentially, there is nothing we can do to stop that. Circumstances occur out of our realm of influence, and yet we are expected to carry on with this thing call life.

So what can we do?

Many things in my world have begun to change lately. Realities that have remained constant throughout my eighteen years thus far are shaking and crumbling before me. Most of these changes are merely page-turners to another chapter in my life, a chapter that I’ve always known would inevitably come.

Regardless, it is hard to deal with things that I cannot control, and as a result I have been overly moody and emotional. This fact has bled over into every aspect of my life.

One struggle I have been wrestling with (emotionally and physically) has been with friends. My tendency to want to fix everything (and everyone) is oftentimes met with resistance…after all, I can’t do it. It is out of my hands. There is only one person I can change, and that is myself, but more often than not I forget that and instead focus my energy on wanting to heal the entire world. I overlook the fact that my own heart is in dire need of healing and that I need a Savior to heal me 24/7.

Last night I was talking with a friend, and we arrived at a single, unmoving question that daunted us both: what do we do now? Shockingly enough, I was at a loss for words. No ingenious solution came to mind. No divine revelation passed through my brain. For anyone who knows me well, that is not a common occurrence. Instead, I felt completely broken and useless. “I don’t know,” I said.

Almost desperately, I picked up my Bible, but then I simply stared at it in my hands. Hundreds of pages of pure wisdom and insight…where did I start looking when I had no idea what answer I was looking for? A silent prayer kept running through my head: “What do I do, God? What do I do?”

Colossians was the next book for me to tackle on my schedule that I’ve been trying to stick with for the past three years. From chapter one, a few verses stuck out to me. “…we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding.” My heart kind of breathed a longing sigh when I read that. Yes, that’s what I want. Maybe I can’t fix the world or foretell the future, but I can pray! The next verses explained that, “we pray this in order that you may life a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way…” This is our true purpose, “to glorify God and enjoy Him forever” (a little catechism there), and when we are pleasing Him, we feel the exhilaration of carrying out the job that was charged us! This entails:

• “bearing fruit in every good work” –  being productive and seeing the results of your good work.

• “growing in the knowledge of God” – becoming wiser and more capable of handling situations set before us

• “being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience” – who doesn’t want that, right??

• “and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.”

When searching for an unknown answer with an even vaguer question, I couldn’t imagine a more appropriate or inspiring response. The Creator of all things chose you and me to be a part of this incredible thing! It’s a lot to wrap your head around. He “qualified” us, meaning we couldn’t have done it on our own. It’s by His love and mercy that we can take a confusing, messed up world full of uncertainties and doubts and make it a place of beauty.

With all the graduations going on lately and so many What-do-I-do-nows clouding our judgment, Colossians 1:9-12 gives the reassurance that through prayer, everything will be alright. We have a loving Father; we have the promise of more than we can imagine. What do we do now? There is nothing we can’t do now!

We Need Each Other

28 September 2012

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We need each other...

Ever ask yourself, "what makes me different from everybody else?" Why does God love me as an individual when there are so many more attractive, smart, hard-working people who surpass my own life's accomplishments before breakfast?

The answer may seem cliche, but it's because He made you special. There is nobody else on earth like you, possessing your gifts, acting upon your thoughts and emotions. Everything about you may appear unexciting on the outside, but to God, you are a masterpiece continuously displaying the wonderful work of His creation.

How do I know? Because in his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul devotes a sizable portion to this specific topic of "spiritual gifts" and the functions we have as the body of Christ. God loves us, yes, but there is so much more to our lives than simply existing in His affections. We were given our individual personalities for a reason! The Lord never does anything just for the heck of it. As human beings, we are automatically samples of His majesty and mirror images of our Creator Himself, but as Christians we are also given responsibilities. When God was putting you together in heaven, He put inside a flawless recipe that would become your personality. That personality was specially given to you so that you would use it.

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Wouldn't it have been easier for God to make everybody the same? That way we would all get along, and we would never be jealous of anybody else's abilities, right? Wrong. As distinct individuals, we all come together like puzzle pieces to create something bigger than us all: it's called Christ. Thinking of little, insignificant me as part of Jesus sounds more than a little absurd, but nevertheless, when Jesus hung dying on that cross, He broke down the wall between Himself and all of us so that when the Father looks at us, with all our sins and flaws, He sees Jesus.

Looking at 1 Corinthians 12, Paul tells us, "The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ." Think of any successful movement in history, the key element was an integrated group of people. We were born with a need for companionship for this very reason. This is why studies show that babies deprived of physical touch actually die from depression.

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"For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body - whether Jews or Greeks, slave of free - and we were all given the one Spirit to drink." In one succinct sentence, Paul completely dismisses any discrimination between race or class in God's eyes. We were all transformed by the same Spirit so that we might be acceptable into the body, regardless of our record of wrongs. One of my favorite passages in Romans reads, "And if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who lives in you." That power that miraculously raised Jesus from the dead over 3000 years ago? That power is living in you! That same Spirit that hovered over the waters in Genesis 1, it not only exists inside of you and me, it lives, it thrives, it keeps us going from day to day. It's not about who you have become in this life, it's what you were made to be a part of. The big picture.

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"Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, 'Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,' it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body." That accursed force of nature: self-doubt. We are amazing beings, obtaining unlimited potential from the Creator of the universe, yet we refuse to believe it. There's always that voice in the back of our minds saying, "You're not good enough."

Quite frankly, that's your sin talking. It might be more convenient to blame it on Satan, but the Devil has more important things to do than whisper in your ear. Instead of coddling us, however, Paul basically says, "get over it". Just because I'm not content in my place doesn't excuse me from the responsibilities I have in Christ. I cannot say, "I don't like my place in my family, so I'll leave," and then expect to have shed my responsibilities to them by simply walking away. No matter where I go or what I do, my dad and mom will still be my parents, and my brother will still be my brother. Even in completely throwing away my duties as the daughter of the family, I would still be abandoning those duties every single day that I ignore them. It's the same way with Christ. Funny thing about us...we think that if we can't see something in front of us that it doesn't exist. Or at least we tell ourselves that.

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"If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?" We need each other's individual, hand-crafted functions/gifts. Trading in your God-given gift would deprive the whole puzzle a whole piece; it could never be complete; it could never be whole. Do not feel inferior or out of place because you have a gift different from somebody else's. It can be easy to fall prey to this envy when other people make their abilities look so easy, so attractive.

Hugging was my deal for a long time. Girls I knew would throw their arms around each other with abandon, and I would kind of step back and hope that I wasn't the next target. Still, deep down I wished I could be like those girls: able to radiate love with a single action. But that was their gift, not mine. And now I can see that that's OK.

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"But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body every one of them, just as He wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body." By definition, "body" is "a number of individuals regarded as a single entity." Each edge of a puzzle piece has either a flat side, a little arm or two that stick out, or an empty space that scoops into the piece's side. Where one piece lacks, another piece fits perfectly, filling that empty space and by so doing making both pieces even larger and more significant than before. When every piece fills and fits into its designed location, the puzzle is complete.

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Can you see where I'm going with this? I'm not the kind of person who can joyfully run up and hug anybody anywhere, but I do have the capacity for listening to others talk about the things they're going through. Perhaps those girls lack that ability so they display their affections in a very outward manner. Together, we complete one another. :)

God has put you right where He wants you. We all work together to be Christ to this world, completing one another where we might have short-comings. You cannot dismiss your brother or sister in Christ, for he/she is a crucial piece to the puzzle, a vital ingredient in the recipe that is our lives. Even the smallest most taken for granted function is irreplaceable, regardless of whether we realize it or not. As French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin so eloquently put it, "We are one, after all, you and I, together we suffer, together exist and forever will recreate each other."

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