Three Strands, Part 1

What is a friend? Oftentimes we speak of people we know as “friends”, but what truly makes a friend? Mere acquaintance would make the term seem shallow and insignificant. Companionship certainly must be included in the definition, but should it be the determining factor? The amount of time spent with a person? The measure of devotion, or personal interaction, with that person?

I think a friend is more than that.

Real friendship goes deep, beyond occasional “hellos” and banter about the newest movie out. The kind of friends who make active differences in our lives are the ones who never leave, who always listen, who say hard things, who show respect, and who bring life to your life.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” One of the most beautiful expressions of friendship is found here, in Proverbs 17:17. This answers the first question: what is a friend? Friendship is more than a word or a title for you to distribute or to attain; instead, it is measured by the investment placed in another person.

Let’s face it we have our bad days. There are times when I know I’m being a stick-in-the-mud and I know I’ve been short or impatient with the people around me. But regardless of my less than Christlike behavior, it is in those moments that I know I am loved the most. Why? Because a friend loves at all times! I know my friends are the greatest when I’m not at my best and they look past it! Much like the Lord overlooks all of our messiness and all of our sin, and rather than returning the evil we give Him with more wrath, He extends us amazing love that surpasses understanding. Incredible to know that our friendships, the love we receive from those most devoted, mirrors the love of the Creator.

There’s a difference between a “companion” and a “friend”. Someone may have several, dozens, scores, of companions. These are other human beings with whom he is forced (or obligated) to fraternize. Usually, it is within these circles that the most small talk occurs. Barely breaking the surface of unfamiliarity, these relationships are twigs. Put much weight on them, and they will surely snap. Proverbs addresses this scenario as well in chapter eighteen: “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Substantial, reliable friendship is vital. One cannot rely on a simple twig. There is a piece of poetry describing one without a friend, and the telling is heartbreaking:

“There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother.

There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

‘For whom am I toiling,’ he asked, and why am I depriving myself of enjoyment?’

This too is meaningless – a miserable business!”

No matter what this man did, it all seemed for naught because he had no one to share it with. Looking around my own life, I can understand how that man felt. Every day, I rely on my friends for support, love, and (quite often!) forgiveness. Perhaps the last is the most powerful of all.

The writer of Ecclesiastes, and the author of the poetry above, goes on in the passage to explain how invaluable friendship is to a person’s happiness and success:

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Twigs snap if standing alone, but several put together are stronger than stone. Today, my pastor told
me that the concept of “Jesus and Me” is unbiblical, and it went right along with what I had been thinking about friendships. Yes, being a Christian is about having a personal relationship with the Savior, but it is also about admitting that you can’t do it on your own. You need other people to help you, to encourage you, to make you stronger.

You need friends.