Time.
The only thing that can take forever and yet go as slowly as the drip on a leaky faucet. Seems as though Time is a frequent foe of mine, always trying to wrestle with my thoughts, choking or tantalizing my desires. Some moments, I wish Time would let me be. That I could escape to some small wrinkle in the universe where I could stand outside Time's grasp and see things from a perspective that isn't under its heavy influence. Time is supposed to heal all wounds, but right now I feel it is keeping them from healing. Scabs try to grow, and then Time rips them off again.
Thoughts are strange things... So potent for either good or evil. Discipline and routine help keep thoughts in line, but Time may put thoughts into a nonsensical loop. An idea you had weeks ago might suddenly appear in your brain without any rabbit-trail to be seen. A thrill at some past event might race down your spine for no reason at all. Why does Time choose to touch us when we aren't giving thought to it at all?
The chief weapon of Time, I think, is temptation. It is tempting to want to conquer time, as Faulkner said. How many breaths have I wasted in attempting this futile task of wrestling with Time? As a Gold Motel's song goes, "I don't want to waste my time standing in a waiting line." Waiting requires the expenditure of diligence and patience, but the curious reality is that it also fosters those virtues as well. This said, to "conquer" Time, in a sense, the opposite effort must be put forth. To resist the urge to succumb to "what ifs," to keep from grabbing at those no-where thoughts and running with them. Holding onto a thread of something that should never have been resurfaced can be a dangerous, futile thing. Time sets forth the temptation to conquer itself, therefore the act of conquering it may be accomplished by laying down one's guns so to speak and resisting the fight.
I am speaking of Time as an ambiguous entity. True, Time is not a grandfatherly figure holding a large clock beyond the clouds. In many aspects, the person of Time may be closely related to God, who is both beyond time and deeply involved with it. On the opposite side of the spectrum, Time, in a temptation sort of way, may be recognized as the Devil. These analogies fail, however, when moving to the "solution" side of things.
God put Time into motion. He knows where it began and where it will end and all the small puzzle pieces we call our lives in between. Incredible. This is where God is not exactly Time, for Time is finite while God is infinite. In the Bible, God provides resources for combating our sinful desires (the Devil aspect of Time). It is this trait of Time, to sneak up on us with small nudges in one direction or another, that resembles the work of the Devil. CS Lewis' famous character Screwtape said, “It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.” By merely forgetting the weapons we have been given for fighting back sinful desires, the Devil can wage war within the heart of even the most devout believer.
The Lord knows that we have trouble with this struggle, the struggle of bending Time to our wills. That's why Paul wrote in Romans, "It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy." (9:16). Our desires often lean towards controlling the world around us, but this isn't a war we are to fight on our own. When a conflict exists within ourselves, it's easy to feel alone in it. Each battle is a weary one in which you destroy yourself. What Paul wanted us to realize though is that we are not alone. In fact, it is not by our works or merit at all but by the Lord's mercy. Micah, a country boy from a small village near Jerusalem, was charged with the task of foretelling Israel the consequences of their deviant behavior towards God. Near the end of his book, he cries out, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." With your God.
We are not meant to fight this battle against Time alone. In fact, we aren't meant to fight it at all. Time is the Lord's, and He decides when it will build up nations and when it will bring them down. He decides what Time will do for me, and only be relying on that fact will I be released for the tyranny of Time's endlessness. If God is outside of Time, and God is inside of me, then there is a part of me that has the propensity to overcome Time. But I can't do it alone. Never alone.
