May 4, 2011 So...what do I do with my life? - I could do better

Today is my birthday. Yay! I'm officially 16 now, though for the past week or so I've pretty much considered myself 16 already. It's really strange to be...well, so old!

~

Dear Diary, May 4, 2011

(So...what do I do with my life?)

Now that I'm finishing up school people start asking what my plans for college and so forth are. Frankly, I don't have any! I'm just focusing on getting school done for the summer, and taking care of the other things I have to do. Where does time go, anyhow? It feels like I'm always doing something, and yet I can't think of what it is I'm doing! I want to do something substantial; you know, that will make a difference. Guess I'm still trying to figure out what that is. At times I think it's writing. I love writing stories - and have plenty of books "in progress" - but if I haven't finished any of them, then what good are they doing? A few of my closest friends have been granted the privilege of reading some of them but still...

Then people tell me I should do something with kids. I love kids! They're so funny and fun to play with. I'm not sure about babysitting as a career though. I have a hard time with discipline and that stuff. I rather just play and have a good time! Yeah, I know. Real responsible.
(I could do better)
There are so many things that I feel I don't do as well as I should. Like school, cleaning the house,  being a sister, a best friend. School I can get all fired up about but then when it gets really frustrating I go "What the heck!" and just breeze through it without a second glance - my friends tease me about my "I've done it, and it's done" attitude. That's not really a good thing most of the time because not checking means missed problems and thus a grade average drop. :( Why can't I just focus like a normal person, study as I am supposed to, and get a nice A+ like a good little student?

Cleaning the house...just like with school, I can get into it for a time. "Alright, I'm going to CLEAN THIS HOUSE!" then after a restless night's sleep and a grouchy good-morning from Brother Dear, I'm all, "Why do I have to be the one to do everything??"

OK as for the sister and friend part. I get really fed up sometimes, but then I also know that everyone has things about them that are annoying. Everyone is going to bug you at one time or another. I feel like such a mean person sometimes when he's not being mean and I still act like...well, a snob. That's pretty high up on my "Things-To-Constantly-Pray-About" list.

Friends...I get obsessed worrying about if I'm being a good friend. If I'm being to selfish, if I'm not listening or speaking up when I should. My friends (particularly my best ones, Jagi, Clark, Lilac, and so on) are awesome and they tell me I'm a good friend. Still...there are some things that you don't fully believe, even if everyone in the world tells you its true. You have to believe it yourself. A big part about that is self confidence, and God really has to help me with that 24/7

~

Thank you, all my amazing family and friends, for being soooo sweet and for loving me even though I mess up sometimes and may even act a little looney (most of the time that's just when I'm really tired though). Love you all!