I Want to Be Pro-Choice

This has been something weighing heavy on my heart for the past few months, ever since we heard the obstetrician say that Genesis had a cystic hygroma. The social issues circulating as of late (I mean they've always been there, but it seems like they've increased in the past couple months) have renewed my feelings on the matter.

I want to be pro-choice. It stands for woman's health, constitutional freedom, education, and progressivism. To this effect, I have embarked on a rampage of research and inquiry. The result: according to Google, to be pro-choice, one must by definition advocate legalized abortion. 

My purpose here is not to accuse, I simply desire to understand. I need to understand the abortion issue. I have heard such vehement opposition from both sides of the spectrum, each denouncing the other as malicious and unfeeling. I know that is truly not the case for either pro-choice or pro-life individuals, so what I am asking is for someone to help me. I realize this post may be controversial to some, but it has been heavy on my heart, and I know I must share.

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Recently I was watching TV, and one of the characters decided she was going to go back to school for an intensive four-year degree while taking care of her two kids and her husband as well as working her own full-time job. An admirable goal! This woman found out she was pregnant, and in despair she decided she could not follow her dream of education. In a battle of following your dreams and being true to herself versus staying home to take care of her family, she decided to get an abortion. It was a difficult decision, but she felt she had made the right one and then went on to pursue her fulfilling career.

I was taken aback by this. One moment there was this prospect of a new baby and its whole life springing up in my imagination, and the next that prospect was gone because this woman decided she wanted to follow her career. Yes, this is TV, and I feel a bit silly thinking so much about a show, but the reality struck me that this is real life for so many people. A crossroads that leads to either carrying a baby and being a parent or going on with your life with a hard decision under your belt. 

I do not mean to trivialize this decision, for I know it is a serious one that many women make. I also don't want to skirt around what is actually going on here. This is the part that I don't understand and that I want to. I want to believe that abortion is an option for women for their own good, for their health and wellbeing. But even if all that is true, what about that baby?

The words I have heard used are "embryo" and "fetus", not baby. But what does a woman who is pregnant (with a wanted pregnancy) say? "I'm having a baby." That is the usual result of being pregnant, aside from complications, isn't it? Embryo and fetus lead to baby. So at what point is this embryo or fetus an actual baby? If when it is born, then what about the few moments before it is born when it is inside it's mother's womb? How is that not a baby but passing through a vagina or taken out via cesarean makes it a baby? During an abortion, isn't that the same thing that happens, only the embryo or fetus is no longer alive? So at that point, is it a dead baby or is it just an aborted embryo?

These are not rhetorical questions, I really want some answers here.

I have been scouring the internet for some responses, looking at pro-choice websites and Q&A articles. The questions I find are "Why would someone have an abortion?", "Does having an abortion increase my chances of getting breast cancer?", and "Is a medical abortion dangerous?". These are all important questions that a woman should ask for her own wellbeing. However, they do not address the underlying questions which I am presenting. What about the life that you are ending and how do you justify it?

Women on Web had the question "Can you see the products of the abortion (placenta, embryo, blood) and what should you do with them?" which most closely pertained to my ponderings. The answer was this:

Most of the time women can see blood and tissue in their sanitary napkin or in the toilet. The (very small) embryo is usually passed within this blood and tissue in such as way that it goes unnoticed by the woman. However, it is possible that you might see the (very small) embryo. Depending on the length of the pregnancy, a small pregnancy sac with some tissue around it may be visible. For instance, if you are only five to six weeks pregnant, there will be no visible sac. At nine weeks, you might be able to find a sac in the blood and it is possible that you might see the embryo. With a pregnancy of 8 or 9 weeks, the embryo is about 2,5 cm. This can be distressing.

It is best to flush everything down the toilet or to wrap the sanitary pads in a plastic bag and throw them away.

When I was pregnant with Genny, our first ultrasound was at 12 weeks. In another article on Women on Web addressing how many weeks into your pregnancy you can get a medical abortion, it stated that a "medical abortion has bee shown to be effective through the first trimester (12 weeks) and has been successfully used during the second trimester." If I were to have lost Genesis at this time in my pregnancy, I would have been absolutely devastated. In fact, I thought day after day that this was going to happen, and it heartbreakingly did happen to several people that I am close to. If I had had an abortion, the advice would have been for me to flush the "products of the abortion" down the toilet. If I had had a miscarriage, that would have been my precious baby that I had lost. If the only difference in value of fetal or embryonic life is my emotional investment in its development, then what does that say for the rights of the unborn baby (or embryo or fetus, whatever term you prefer to use)? 

The logic that I am trying to grasp would infer that when Genesis was an embryo at 12 weeks gestation, there would have been no pain  for the fetus (possibly, or maybe pain killers would  have been used) had it been terminated, and that this is not the same thing as ending the life of a child. At what point in my pregnancy did Genesis become a baby, a child, my offspring? I do not believe that most pro-choice individuals consider embryos and fetuses to be "'lumps of tissue' or 'blobs'" as Sarah on The Pro Choice Action Network single-mindedly stated. On the other hand, I do want to know what the embryo/fetus is considered to be.

I would like to address the health and wellbeing of these women, which is the focal point of the pro-choice movement. For many women who have been hurt or who are in a less than ideal situation to be pregnant, it seems that having a baby is not the right thing to do. It is extremely taxing on the body, as countless post-natal products can attest. The birthing process is...well, pretty gross despite what a "miracle" it's supposed to be. Victims of rape and abuse are not able to "move on" with their lives when impregnated. Ambitions and goals become impossible to attain in some cases. Not to mention, every baby deserves to have a fulfilled life. It seems a service to the child to spare it the pain and hardship that it will inevitably face. 

Let me tell you as a new mom that having a baby and raising it is hard. Freaking hard. I can't imagine doing this alone. It is frustrating because you do not understand the tiny little person who so obviously needs something (you can tell from the screaming), and you want to help, but none of your attempts are successful and it seems that baby will never stop and you're tired and all the advice swims around in your brain making you feel like you aren't "doing it right"...

It's a lot.

But even in those hardest of times, when I had tears of desperation in my eyes, I could look down at Genesis and see how helpless she was. Screaming, crying, pooping everywhere, it didn't matter. She depends on me (and quite selfishly, I might add) for everything. She always has, from the moment she came into being inside of me. This is what I cannot overlook. The helplessness of the babies who depend on their mommies. These mommies who define the worth of their unborn children.

So yes, I want to be pro-choice. I ache for women who have been abused, who find themselves with serious health complications or the realization that their unborn baby has a serious complication. But I ache for those babies, too, who will never even get the chance to have a life because of the choice. Anyone who can persuade me otherwise, I am happy to listen. But for now, I cannot be pro-choice.