Fear Not, Though School Overwhelms You

Dear Diary, 22 February 2012

Fear not, though school overwhelms you...

I’m so nervous. Tomorrow is my first college test that I won’t be able to do open-book.

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I have to go to a center and sit at a strange computer and take a test on a time limit, no text, no notes, no going back. AH! My last test, in a different subject, I got n 82…and it was open book! It’s like they want to confuse the students on purpose. Half the time, I didn’t even understand what they were asking!

Breathe, just breathe. It’s going to be OK. No matter what grade I get, I will have done my absolute best. It’s only when I think that I haven’t done the best that I can that I start getting really nervous and stressed. Have I done all the quizzes? Looked over all my notes? Do I understand every chapter? So much information!!! I think my brain will explode.

this is how I feel sometimes

“Do not let your hearts be troubled; trust in the Lord, trust also in Me.” Jesus said that, John 14:1. Well, my heart is troubled. My shoulders feel tense, and the small of my back is tight with stress and worry. “Cast your cares upon Him, for He cares for you” is another verse I’ve heard a lot, but I don’t remember where it’s found. Give it to God…well, I have. And it does calm me, but it doesn’t positively assure me a perfect score. Sometimes I still fail, sometimes I still get nervous, even after I pray about it. Praying isn’t a passport to la-la land…it’s not a free ticket to the Island of Perfection. Things are still going to go wrong, but like Clark said in Love Comes Softly, He doesn’t say that nothing bad will happen; what He promises is that He will be there when it does.

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We sing a song at my youth group that I particularly like; it comes verbatim from Isaiah 43:

Fear not, for I have redeemed you,

I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you,

And when you pass through the rivers,

They will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

You will not be burned;

The flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God,

The Holy One of Israel, Your Savior.

Jesus is my hope. He is made stronger in my weakness, because when I’m upset and not myself, the part inside of me that is Him shines through. It makes itself known to me. It gives me a chance to exercise my faith and to put it to use. I have to trust in the hope that Jesus brings – that no matter what score I get on my exam, He will make it into something beautiful.

Sometimes we are hopeless to change the situation we’re in…sometimes it doesn’t change. But we have to trust that God knows what he’s doing. He has such a bigger picture in mind we cannot even fathom it. The secret things that are the Lord’s.  Our hope is that God will step in and do something no mortal man could – heck, would even think to – do. If I just focus on that hope, then I will be alright.

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“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18