Vacation Chronicle: Part 3

Dear Diary,                                     11 July 2011

We just stopped off at Aunt Rosie’s house in Denver, Colorado. It was so much fun hanging out with our cousin, Zachary. He wanted for us to come back – or to buy the house for sale next door.

~

Sterling, Colorado. A place I hope I never see again.

It’s like Texas in Colorado. For ten minutes, while I had to use the bathroom (and very badly, I might add), we searched for a single descent place to eat. We ended up settling on a Quiznos inside a gas station. There were only two girls running the entire place, probably college students since it was a junior college town (who would have thought from the look of it), so it was another half hour before our four small sandwiches were done. We had lunch at a gas station in the middle of nowhere.

~

 The hour and a half tour through Black Hills, South Dakota was very scenic with tall trees peppering the rolling green hills, set off by a background of mountains. It would have been a realizing trip…if not for my mother and Time. My mother because she was worried we wouldn’t make it to Mount Rushmore before dark and Time because it kept going even though we were all practically on the edge of our seats to see the national monument in the daylight. The drive was long and unsure. Every so often, Mommy would glance at Daddy and say, “Are you sure I’m going the right way?” Who could blame her…we drove through two small town (one was rightly named Hot Springs, it was just like Hot Springs, Arkansas) with little indication that we were going the right direction but for the GPS. Up in the Black Hills, we would all wait expectantly around every turn of the curvy, uphill road for the familiar four faces. Time and time again, however, we were disappointed and Daddy had to resort to munching on Chex Mix. Finally, we came to one pull over filled with tourists who were pointing fingers and camera lenses towards one mountain which we couldn’t fully see. Mommy pulled over and looked around. “What are they looking at? Is this it? What should I do?” “I’ll check it out,” said daddy and with an ungraceful departure he did “check it out”. Us three left-behind onlookers anxiously awaited the verdict. When Daddy lifted the camera, we all started murmuring amongst ourselves, debating whether or not this was it and if we should get out. Mommy got out first, took in the surroundings, then jumped back behind the wheel faster than I thought she could move. “It’s just the side of George, dadburnit!” she exclaimed, and when Daddy was in the car, she peeled out.

Finally, around the next bend, was the full, complete Mount Rushmore. It was such a neat experience to finally see it in person. But the escapade did not end there, oh no. Being about 7:45 PM when we parked the van, Mommy desperately arranged us there in the parking lot for a picture below the still very distant mountain. “This is ridiculous, let’s just go closer,” I protested, but Mommy was convinced it would be dead of night by the time we got to the observation deck. So we took pictures there in the parking lot. Of course once at the actual monument where all the other tourists were, we realized that there was still a good hour before actual darkness and before the lighting of the monument. So yes, it was a memorable (and a bit stressful) adventure, but once we got there we were all laughing about it.

The lighting was preceded by a speech outlining the importance of the four presidents and about the making of the statues by Charlie Desmond (after watching LOST so much we thought his name was pretty awesome). Then a 20 minute video gave more information. It was very inspiring, patriotically. I enjoyed it a lot! There were so many people, all different, there, yet we are all Americans. Democrat, Republican, liberal, conservative, and those who have no political preference, it doesn’t matter. We’re all equal in the sight of God.

The weather – I am wearing a jacket and gloves! “Jacob, feel the window!” I told him during the endless Road to Rushmore. He did. “It’s cold! I’m wearing shorts. I’m so tough.”

Vacation Chronicle: Parts 1 & 2

Dear Diary,                       9 July 2011

Vacation Chronicles: Part 1

Well we’ve been on the road approximately 17 minutes and already have returned to the house once, reprimanded my brother, and been to McDonalds. So far it seems a very promising trip.

Our family has proven that plans don’t always work out the way you think…our goal of leaving at 6AM was an hour and 56 minutes ago. But the point is that we made it out of there with no regrets. None, that is, but from my brother, who repeatedly expresses remorse at having to leave his computer behind.

Our first overnight stay will be Oklahoma City. We’re going to meet some family and friends there for dinner tonight. I bet we’ll be totally wiped!

~

Unfortunately for me, my history book has followed me on this trip. I’m pretty sick of WWII now. What a terrible time to live in… So far nothing very interesting has happened. Of course it is only 2 hours and 10 minutes since we left. Out my backseat window, I can see green leaves of Texas landscape pass by from over a sea of luggage. You know, I thought it was physically impossible for two objects to occupy the same space at the same time…turns out it is. *~*

~

It’s 11:25 AM now and we are driving through Dallas at present. A few minutes ago, I was a bit irritated because Mommy didn’t want to plug my iPod into the stereo. We passed by a massive, strange, twisted arch thing. Mommy started tripping, telling someone to take a picture of it. Jacob just looked out the window and said, “It’s just a thing.” That made me burst out laughing and I forgot I was in a bad mood.

Daddy is addicted to frosted animal crackers. He and Jacob have been fighting over the bag. For a few minutes I fired up my laptop and shot a few zombies in Killing Floor (this new game we all have) before we had to make a stop. I read for awhile, but now I am a bit boredish. I thought we were going to be able to have internet through my mom’s phone, but turns out that was only a limited trial period. L Boo hoo for me; I’ll have to take a break from Team Fortress 2.

~

(1:12 PM)

The Shell station we stopped at was in hickville. There was a pickup truck on the other side of the gas pump we were using, In the back was an Australian shepherd mix, panting away while a woman shouted a bunch of kids to get some shoes on as they filed out of the tiny cab. The guy had torn up jeans – and I mean that quite literally, they looked as though something had torn them off below the knees. He and Daddy got to know one another as they pumped gas. I gave Daddy a look and he said, “He’s my buddy.”

Mommy dropped a quarter out in the parking lot and this motorcycle moustache dude snapped it up before I could say anything about it. Is biker accent could have taken me down in itself so I just shoved hands in pockets and shuffled on to the car.

Dear Diary,                   10 July 2011

Vacation Chronicle: Part 2

This morning I was so tired. We’ve been driving since 8 AM…now it is 4:48 PM. Hopefully Colorado Springs is over this next mountain.

The mountains are so beautiful! They’re so resolute and majestic. I want to climb one so bad! We’ll have to take a trip to Colorado sometime for longer than one night. The weather…ph goodness! It’s heavenly!! Not too cold, not too warm. The wind is a bit strong, ut I can deal with that.

For the first 50 some odd miles from New Mexico/Colorado border there were mountains on one side of the freeway and flat plains on the other. New Mexico was very flat and open, but also mountainous with its “glorified hills”, as Jacob called them. Those mountains aren’t as pretty as the rocky, snow-capped ones in Colorado.

During our seemingly everlasting trek through New Mexico and Amarillo, Texas (yes, we spent an hour or two in our home state), we spotted a giant dust devil! It looked like a tornado but it wasn’t as scary. Though Mommy was a little nervous. “Brett! Is it coming over here? What do I do?” Whilst Daddy repeatedly offered his reassurance.

How did we bear the 3 hour-long drive through boring country sides? In a variety of ways. Each of us differently. Mommy had Daddy pop in “The Sound of Music” as she drove, so that was like 16 hours. Daddy put in earplugs and read his “Japanese Candlesticks” book that I still don’t understand why he’s reading. Jacob slept, I guess. He was actually pretty quiet all that time. I worked on World History (I’ve skipped to the Cold War after VJ Day) and on one of my stories.

~

We’re not 37 miles from Colorado Springs. It’s so cool seeing the Rockies out my window. Oooo, I want to be on the top where the clouds are all around you. I’ve never touched a cloud. Gabriel would probably say they would taste like cotton candy. J

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed.” –God in Isaiah 54:10

~

The time has now gone back an hour…the people in Houston are in the future now.

My word, Colorado Springs is AMAZING!!!!!! We spent over an hour exploring this place called “Garden of the Gods”, which is basically a rock garden, climbing on massive rocks and gazing upon magnificent mountains. It was easily the most amazing and beautiful pace I have ever been to. The city is surrounded by the Rocky Mountains and peppered with these giant red-rock mountains which we saw in the Garden of the Gods. Jacob just couldn’t get over it. He kept saying how awesome and amazing it was. More than once, he made some comment about moving here and “Why do we live in Houston again?”

After we managed to tear ourselves away and stop taking pictures, we found our way to the hotel from which I now write. For supper, we ate at this delicious Greek restaurant right next to our hotel. When we first pulled up, Mommy, Daddy, and I all instantly decided to go there, but Jacob was violently opposed to the idea. Since we were starving and didn’t want to go to some place we had back home (like Texas Roadhouse) Mommy said, “Let’s just go in and check out the menu. We can leave if it doesn’t look good.”

So we walk inside, and instantly are greeted by the guy who may have been the owner. He came up, kissed Mommy, shook Daddy’s hand, kissed me, and shook Jacob’s hand. “Welcome, thank you for coming,” he said. When he had gone and the hostess was finding us a table, Jacob, wide-eyed, looked at Mommy and said, “We can’t leave now.” Turns out, the place was amazing and we all enjoyed it a lot.

Overall, it was pretty much an incredible day. J

June 27, 2011- (Got Work? - I Care!)

Dear Diary,                 27 June 2011


(Got Work?)
Last week was so busy! Our church's VBS occupied 80% of our lives, the other 20% being consumed by my visiting cousins. One day, Gaby got sick, then on Friday both my mom and I came down with colds. Fortunately I didn't lose my voice like she did, but the two of us were out for several days. During that time, I watched movie after movie, episode of LOST after episode of LOST, and wished I felt better. Then it struck me...if I weren't sick, what would I be doing? VBS was a great chance to put my time to a productive use, but the rest of the time I pretty much just sit around. At least right now, during the summertime. I could argue this point, saying that it is indeed summer and that's what it's for! But then, getting things down and doing some real, hard, dirty work is so satisfying. Once I was determined to clear all the leaves from one side of our house. It was hard, and yes, very dirty, but in the end I was so proud of myself for completing the project. Falling into bed that night, I was able to sleep soundly and contentedly because I knew that I had completed something.
Tonight when I go to sleep, I don't think I'm going to feel content for having finished the co-op on Portal 2 or widening my experience in TF2. It's the physical labor that is so satisfying to me.


(The Temptation to Do Nothing)
Last night I went to a friend's youth group. It was so different from my own church's youth worship, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It was different, and I wouldn't exactly say better, but I enjoyed the way that everyone was simply praising Jesus and not worried about what everyone was thinking or who was watching. Yes, it was big, and there were a lot of people, and yes I did feel a bit intimidated since I only knew three people out of the thirty odd folks who came. However, it was a good experience. The speaker's name was Jeremiah and he had just returned, as is true for several other teams at their church, from a mission trip. He reiterated what many of those youth were feeling: the "spiritual high" that comes with going weeks on end with nothing but Jesus, fellowship, prayer, Bible reading, and more Jesus. Unfortunately, the world, as Jeremiah told us, wants to take this fire away. He urged all of us to move away from distractions that surround us and focus on the one relationship that is above all: the one between me and Jesus. Distractions are everywhere and they come in all shapes and sizes, they can be watching LOST all the time (as I have been struggling with lately), they can be giving in to a negative emotion, or they can simply be doing nothing! One big distraction is merely the temptation to not do what is right (or to do nothing). Being tempted is not a sin, for even Jesus Himself was tempted, but giving in to that temptation is. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Isn't that a great verse?!


(I Care!)
What's the opposite of love? I liked Jeremiah's thoughts on this. He said that it is apathy. When you think about it...yeah. Hate is a powerful emotion, driven by passion, and is usually the result when someone is hurt by something. To be hurt, you must first be invested emotionally and love isn't too far from that. Apathy, however, is not caring one way or the other. Apathetic people, I imagine, as Hitler or Stalin or some other totally evil guy who would have ten people shot without even a wince. Often times, when somebody asks me what I want, I'll say "I don't care." Alright, that isn't a heartless thing to say, but it is wishy-washy. Sometimes I answer that way because I want to pass on the decision making to someone else. So in that case, I really do care. I should instead just say so. "How about you decide." If then the response is "No, you go ahead" then I suppose I should. It's hard sometimes because I don't want to seem bossy. But I don't want to be apathetic either, so from now on I will say "I care!" ^.^

June 2, 2011 (My Thing...Not As Weird As It Sounds - Music)

Today is my little cousin's birthday. Happy #5, Titus! He's my little buddy. We like to throw insults at each other, just for fun. XD
~

Dear Diary,                  June 2, 2011

My thing...not as weird as it sounds

    Where's my thing? Everyone seems to have a thing. My dad's is cooking, my mom's is acting, my friend's is music, my cousin's is phsycology, my brother's is...well, gaming which isn't really a thing it's more of an obsession. I guess my "thing" is writing but then what's the use of writing if noboday ever reads it!?! I'm working, continuously, towards the ideal goal of publishing something. Heh. At the rate I'm going, it'll be another two, three years before I even finish one of my many stories. I've never finished anything. Well, there was this one short story, but it wasn't very good. It's frustrating. It really is. People read my stuff and they're all "That's so good, you're such a talented writer!" But other than that, people, with the exception of a few, don't ever follow up. They don't realize that this is my thing. This is what I possibly want to invest my life in! *sigh* Sorry, like I said, it's just frustrating.

    It's not only other people that I'm upset with either. It's me too, because I can't FINISH ANYTHING!! My thoughts are scattered and when they're all lines up in a row, then I write it down. I'm thinking of starting another blog for my stories but then that's a litte unsafe since peoople can, I don't know, malisciously steal and publish my story and take all the credit.

♪ Music ♪

Music is something I love and I would give anything to be as talented as my friend is. She may try to deny it, but she is super talented. I listen to her and think "Man, this girl's going to go places." She's totally encouraging and bears with me a lot on playing guitar and the like. The other day I was listening to a couple of her songs and it inspired me to write my own. Now, it's been like half a year since I've been able to write any music worth mentioning. This song, though, it's not bad. I like it. Perhaps not worth downloading onto iTunes, but I'm just glad that I can write music again. I've missed it.

May 18, 2011 (Facing a Scary Thing - God Answers)

Dear Diary,      May 18, 2011     (Facing a Scary Thing - God Answers)

What a great day it’s been. I was tired, but my brother and family and friends made it yet another day to remember, like everyday can be. Isn’t it neat that even the most crazy of days, when you literally jump out of bed and into the shower within a matter of seconds, can become a fantastic, resplendent day? Mine began a little hectic. If you didn’t guess already, I really did jump out of bed and into the shower this morning. I didn’t really get all of the schoolwork done that I had scheduled, but I’m not really behind so I’m not worried about it. It was just a chill morning. Well, at least it was in between running around trying to finish school and get ready to go somewhere.

(Facing A SCARY THING!!)

My friends this school year have been going to a speech class. At first I was like “A speech class??” I did not expect for them to like it. Well, shock, shock, they did. I thought about it a lot. See, my life, although while living it seems to be chockfull of activities, is basically redundant. (Not everyday is like today was…I’ll write about that in a minute :p) I wanted to commit to something that would challenge me. My brother’s Civil Air Patrol thing sounded a bit extreme and nothing better came to mind, so I began to consider this speech class. Talking to people one on one isn’t really hard for me unless I’m super tired and this strange thing happens to me where I suddenly CAN NOT SMILE and have to force this totally fake one. But anyway…I gave a speech once in my life and let me tell you, it did not encourage my decisions to try this speech class. It was awful. I got so nervous. Listening to those kids up there, my friend included, some of that nervousness faded away because I could tell I wasn’t the only one who was really nervous. Heck, I wasn’t even speaking and I had butterflies! Everyone was nice and normal, so I believe I’m going to like it.

This longing for something daredevilish to do has been there awhile. I’m not saying that joining a speech class is something people will drop their jaws at say “wow” but it is something daring, in a way. Anxiety is an issue with me, and public speaking makes me anxious and nervous, but I want to fight it, not give in to it. Another thing, speech class will help me with regular day to day talking as well. Pronunciations, getting my thoughts out of my mouth without messing them up. Happens to me every single day. And I hate saying “like” all the time!!

(Random, Amazing…OK I’m Going to Say It…Totally Cute Guy)

So I’m eating dinner outside by my friends’ pool, right? Suddenly, her mom comes hurrying out beckoning to us. “Come in here, you’ve got to see this.” We all rushed after her. Much to our surprise, there at their piano, hammering out an incredible melody, was this…bed mover guy. At first I was like “And why is the guy who delivered your bed playing the piano…?” But when I really checked him out (I did NOT mean it like that)…OK fine, when I really listened…and saw what he looked like…he was very good. His mom had to prompt him, but he ended up playing the Star Wars theme as well, which was equally amazing. As soon as he and his parents (they were the ones who owned this furniture business apparently) had gone, we jumped on YouTube and found his videos and his website. It would be cruel to not reveal who he is, so I’ll go ahead and do it. George Argel. When he’s all famous and everything, I will remember that he was right there in front of me playing Star Wars because I asked him to! How cool is that. Just another day hanging out with my friends.

(My Friends *smiley face*)

I’ll just touch up on this real quick since I need to be shoving off to bed. My friends are seriously awesome. All my really good friends are really close and they’re just…awesome. The way we all help each other, and talk about stuff that I used to think I would never communicate with another person outside my family. It’s just really cool. One family in particular we’ve grown so close to over the past two years. They are the neatest people, really. I thank God all the time that I’m so privileged to know them and be an official unofficial part of their family.

(God Answers)

One of the most amazing things about my friends is that my closest ones came into my life just when I needed them to. I was going through a seriously depressing time in my life around twelve years old. My older friends had trickled down and I didn’t see as much of them and making new friends was becoming increasingly harder (why does that happen when people get older?). My parents encouraged me to pray about it so, without any real expectations, I did. Wow, I never saw what was coming after that. Pretty soon, my mom lugged my bro and I out to this field day thing with a new home school group we had joined. We didn’t want to go simply because the letters P and E were involved and there had been some less than positive P.E. days in our past. It turned out to be pretty fun, however, and when the games were over I found myself standing on this hill watching little kids roll down and waiting for my mom to come back from the restroom. There was a girl, about my age, watching her brothers go down the hill a few feet away. I thought “What the heck, I’ll say hi.” So – I remember this so well – I said, “So, do you know what’s going on here?” That was all. We got to talking and we found out we both played softball. Within the next month we were both on the same team and now she is one of my best friends ever. Through her, I met my other two homies, and through that home school group, the same one my mom had to drag me into, I met several other incredible friends. God does work in mysterious ways. You can never tell when He’s going to complete change your life. Back in those days, I never would have guess that mine would be filled with so much joy and love and laughter as it is now. Sometimes you’ve got to just pray. God’s going to answer.

May 13, 2011 (Feeling Useless?)

Dear Diary,             May 13, 2011

(Feeling Useless?)

Today is Friday the thirteenth. Just thought that was interesting.

Ever have a day – or several, for that matter – when you just feel useless? I have. There are days when I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing anything important in life. That I play video games and watch TV too often when I should be doing things to actually further mankind. Like what, you may ask? I’m not really sure. Maybe that’s part of the problem. This goes back to what I talked about before…about not knowing what I want to do. If I had a goal then I probably wouldn’t feel so useless. Feeling useless doesn’t help your self-confidence, I’ll tell you that. To be honest, I struggle with self-confidence a lot. Actually lots of the issues I deal with (socializing with people I have little to nothing in common with, being with people you want to know better but don’t because…well you just don’t…why is that? OK different subject) come back to the whole self-confidence thing. It gets so bad sometimes that I question why people like me, and if they really do or if they’re just putting up with me. Because at the moment, I can’t seem to like myself. It’s pathetic, I know. But it’s how I feel. So I guess I am pathetic.

The only way to get self-confidence is to be confident in who I am. Now who am I? *sigh* I’m a sixteen-year old girl who loves to read, write, and have fun. Me in a nutshell. What I didn’t say, though, is that I’m an ultra-sinner who, when she’s not sinning in deed, is sinning in thought by either thinking wrong things or not thinking the things she should be…thinking. What I need is to find my self-worth in something greater than myself. That is God.

OK, I get that Jesus died for my sins. Now I’m asking, why? Why does He care that much about me? Jesus can die on the cross and give me life, but what can I really give Him? I don’t have anything that He doesn’t already have. Just choosing to bring Him into my heart…is that it? That’s pretty lame, if you ask me. “Oh yeah, sure, come and rescue me from damnation. Why not?” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I doubt the existence of God or question the significance of Jesus’ sacrifice. What I am saying is that I don’t understand it. Is that frank enough?

Maybe it’s because I don’t really feel I’m doing what I was made to do. When things stop doing what they’re made to do, they’re broken, right? Well maybe when humans don’t do what they’re made to do, then they’re broken…or confused or whatever you want to call it. So what am I made for…? Let’s go back to Sunday School class. Catechism #1: Q: What is the chief end of man? A: To glorify God and enjoy Him forever. People are always searching for ways to make life easier and more pleasurable to them. iPods, GPS’s, laptops, email, cell phones, automatic things like garage and car doors. We justify these inventions by saying they’re “cool”, “convenient”, and/or “safer”. The truth? Life was just as “cool”, “convenient”, and/or “safe” before those inventions were around, people just dealt with it. If you’ll notice, mankind complains just as much in the 21^st century as they during the 40-year exile of the Israelites in Genesis. My point is hidden in all this. My point is that we need to look past ourselves. God gave us a gift, but we don’t need to focus on that part. What we need to focus on is…not really “paying back” God, but rather doing things to exalt Him. More like thanking Him. That’s right, we’re thanking God for His Son. Underline the “To glorify God” part instead of the “enjoy Him forever”. Don’t completely throw out the last part, that’s very important too. God wants us to be happy loving and thanking Him. Still, avert attention for yourself (and myself).

How do I give glory to God in an adequate manner? No act is big enough to warrant God’s attention. Ah, no act. 1 Samuel 16:7 says “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” When we’re doing things to bring Him glory what we sometimes fail to realize is that it isn’t the actual act that makes Him smile, it’s the heart behind it. That’s why there’s no act too small or too big that we can do for the Lord, so long as we have the right attitude. In summary, we can give God the glory He expects – and even demands – by giving Him of the wholest part of ourselves: our hearts.

At the end of the Gospel of Mark, Jesus straight up tells everyone what they should do. “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” (Mark 16:15) We should be out there in the world, preaching the good news to ALL creation! Not because it’s a nice thing to do, but because it’s what we were made to do and because it is what God commanded us. My mom always tells me that obedience is the best gift. So I want to give God the gift of my heart and my compliance.

I don’t know what God wants me to do with this heart of mine (or my obedience, for that matter), but I have to trust Him that the answer will be made known to me. On an episode of Adventures in Odyssey, one of the characters, Tom, said “Keep your eyes and ears open, and God will help you work it out.”

May 4, 2011 So...what do I do with my life? - I could do better

Today is my birthday. Yay! I'm officially 16 now, though for the past week or so I've pretty much considered myself 16 already. It's really strange to be...well, so old!

~

Dear Diary, May 4, 2011

(So...what do I do with my life?)

Now that I'm finishing up school people start asking what my plans for college and so forth are. Frankly, I don't have any! I'm just focusing on getting school done for the summer, and taking care of the other things I have to do. Where does time go, anyhow? It feels like I'm always doing something, and yet I can't think of what it is I'm doing! I want to do something substantial; you know, that will make a difference. Guess I'm still trying to figure out what that is. At times I think it's writing. I love writing stories - and have plenty of books "in progress" - but if I haven't finished any of them, then what good are they doing? A few of my closest friends have been granted the privilege of reading some of them but still...

Then people tell me I should do something with kids. I love kids! They're so funny and fun to play with. I'm not sure about babysitting as a career though. I have a hard time with discipline and that stuff. I rather just play and have a good time! Yeah, I know. Real responsible.
(I could do better)
There are so many things that I feel I don't do as well as I should. Like school, cleaning the house,  being a sister, a best friend. School I can get all fired up about but then when it gets really frustrating I go "What the heck!" and just breeze through it without a second glance - my friends tease me about my "I've done it, and it's done" attitude. That's not really a good thing most of the time because not checking means missed problems and thus a grade average drop. :( Why can't I just focus like a normal person, study as I am supposed to, and get a nice A+ like a good little student?

Cleaning the house...just like with school, I can get into it for a time. "Alright, I'm going to CLEAN THIS HOUSE!" then after a restless night's sleep and a grouchy good-morning from Brother Dear, I'm all, "Why do I have to be the one to do everything??"

OK as for the sister and friend part. I get really fed up sometimes, but then I also know that everyone has things about them that are annoying. Everyone is going to bug you at one time or another. I feel like such a mean person sometimes when he's not being mean and I still act like...well, a snob. That's pretty high up on my "Things-To-Constantly-Pray-About" list.

Friends...I get obsessed worrying about if I'm being a good friend. If I'm being to selfish, if I'm not listening or speaking up when I should. My friends (particularly my best ones, Jagi, Clark, Lilac, and so on) are awesome and they tell me I'm a good friend. Still...there are some things that you don't fully believe, even if everyone in the world tells you its true. You have to believe it yourself. A big part about that is self confidence, and God really has to help me with that 24/7

~

Thank you, all my amazing family and friends, for being soooo sweet and for loving me even though I mess up sometimes and may even act a little looney (most of the time that's just when I'm really tired though). Love you all!